Adventures of a Little Goddess on the Ground

New Year Intentions

2012-01-22T17:17:00.000-08:00

Well, Friday marked the beginning of my 47th year. It seems very strange to me. I can remember my gran saying she felt like she was 16 inside (just the body wasn't cooperating!). I feel like I'm about 16 in my head. I'm guessing it would be less than cool if I showed up looking like I was 16. Ah, well.

It feels like it is going to be a really good year. Ever since I turned 40, each birthday seems better. At 40, I realized that I have fundamentally been the same person. Nothing about that foundation is changing. No matter what I do. So, why not enjoy? I felt better after that realization, and each year I feel as if I am becoming more and more who I really am. I am finding that it is a journey of self-discovery. I am still learning about who and how I am. This is a good thing!

There are areas of me that I plan on exploring and hopefully developing in the coming months. I am planning on opening the door to new things, to relationship, to creativity and to self-expression.

To an expansive 2012!

Be well.

~M

What Will You Create This Year?

2012-01-15T22:35:00.000-08:00

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." ~ Marianne Williamson

Happy New You, 2012!

2012-01-11T17:53:00.000-08:00

This has already been such a busy year, I can hardly believe it. It has been busy in a sense that I am pushing my edges and finding the tender spots.

The end of last year, I said that it was time to reinvent myself. I had no idea how true those words!

A new friend of mine, Irit, loaned me the book, "The Highly Sensitive Person." I recognized myself in those pages. While I find that I dislike my own high sensitivity, this trait brings many good qualities into my life. I'll get around to listing them someday! ;)

I was given the message many times that I was "too sensitive" during my childhood. Approximately 15% to 20% of the population is born this way. It all starts in the nervous system. So, I came wired for sensitivity. So, while I no longer see myself as horribly flawed and less than deserving, I struggle to accept the sensitivity. To this day, I still have people telling me how I should or should not be, what I should or should not do, relative to this quality. I find this sad.

However, it's onward and upward!

Be well and bestest wishes for 2012!

Happy 25, Lane!

2011-12-11T23:21:00.001-08:00

Today is my oldest son's 25th birthday!

Happy birthday to my sweet baby who has grown into such a handsome man.

I have contemplated all the gifts that motherhood has brought into my life. Of course, I could ponder instead the hereditary insanity that you get from your children, however that is a story for another day!

I learned about love from my children. I learned that it is okay to make mistakes...and that one is still lovable in spite of mistakes or supposed imperfections. My children frequently tell me how weird I am. I have learned to laugh at this and to even view it as a compliment. It means that I am being my authentic self with them. The real me. And that me is loved and accepted--just like I have loved and accepted my children. I have learned to let go from them and to just roll more with the waves of life and of my emotions.

I feel amazingly blessed because my son still wants to spend time with me. (All my children do, actually.) He talks to me almost everyday after one or the other of us comes home from work to tell me about his day and to ask me about mine. He takes me to lunch and shopping for my birthday and Mother's Day. He attempts to share his culinary experiments with me...with mixed results! How cute, amazing and wonderful is that? (Just please avoid mentioning cute to him. It's not manly enough, or something. He can only handle so much of my fussing.)

Thanks for being my son, thanks for loving me and thanks for sharing this crazy adventure with me! I love you.

Dreams for the New Year

2011-12-10T19:12:00.000-08:00

As I have grown thru this last year and maybe even matured somewhat, I have come to realize the importance of dreaming. Dreaming my life into existance. Dreaming dreams that bring me joy and happiness.

As ever, my ego expectations show up and I think that things have changed between me and my mother. Alas and alack! This is far from the reality. I bump into the truth, which is that there is still a distance separating us, she emotionally favors others in the family and I am typically disappointed in my expectations. What I have come to realize is two-part. I may possibly always want my mother to show me some LOVE, which rarely comes and I must own my life and my dreams.

I have been resting with my dreams. The feminine way of manifesting in life is to "be" with yourself. Then in this amazing state of being and awareness of your own be-ingness, you receive inspiration and take Divine Right Action out of that inspiration. You have far better chances of reaching the desired outcome this way. I have been immersing myself in my dreams and the feelings I have dreaming my dreams.

The life I manifest may be different from my dreams because I am willing to allow the Universe to step in and bless me.

As I was listening to a woman talk about abundance and prosperity, I suddenly felt exactly what she was talking about. She said true abundance is feeling as though (and may I add believing and knowing in your bones) that EVERYTHING is possible. It is only for us to dream and believe and love our everything into being.

This year, I feel differently about my life, about my dreams, about my family of origin. I love my family. And now, I feel as though I can act. My father understands me perhaps better than I suspect. He gave me permission to follow and live my dreams.

Maybe I am finally brave enough to spread my wings and fly.

It's never too late.

Be well and the Best and the Brightest of Wishes and Dreams.

Musings of late

2011-11-27T10:38:00.000-08:00

So much has been going on, things that have been pushing my edges and taking me out of my comfort zone.

I've chosen to see this as an opportunity to exercise mastery over my own life. This has meant really looking at my internal landscape and finding a dry desert rather than a lush oasis. I've also come to an interesting conclusion that allowing fears and other issues to rule my life is rather costly. I read an article here that opened a door for me to ponder these concepts.

I am pushing through some issues/belief systems/old programs and I am trusting that there is a safe place for me to land on the other side.

I love the vision process created by Colette Baron-Reid, which you can find on her site:

http://www.colettebaronreid.com/

Look for her book called 'The Map' and 'call in your bird.' I love it. She calls it the "Harry Potter" of self-help! While you are there, ask a question and pull a wisdom card for the day. :) (Harry Potter and I are great friends. I watched those movies once a month, for 7 months as I worked thru my grief. And I've read the books twice. What can I say?)

ALL of my life is Sacred. ALL of it...even the parts that I have judged and held as less than.

I have a session scheduled with my tantra coach soon and I am so looking forward to communing with her! I know this is me with growing pains right now. And while I dislike the uncomfortable feelings I have been experiencing lately, I have realized that underneath it all I actually feel excited for new things to show up!

Here's to The New and The Now.

Be well.

What You Appreciate

2011-11-24T11:04:00.000-08:00

What we appreciate comes back to us!

So, on this day of giving thanks and appreciation, I claim and declare that there is so very much for which to appreciate. It would be a big, Big, BIG list if I tried to list it all!

I feel very grateful for my time at YogaWorks, which will be coming to an end soon. I am holding a space for the perfect place to land! I know it's coming and I give thanks!

I am thankful for my family and my loving, wonderful children. I am thankful for my friends.

I am thankful for my body and my senses and my health. My body gives me so much and allows me to experience joy, happiness and pleasure in life.

I am grateful for my home and my "stuff." I do, indeed, have enough to take good care of myself and my family. (I am also thankful that I chose to shed a lot of stuff, so there is less to clean!)

I am thankful for Callie, for providing furry amusement for the family. Even if she tries to sleep on my pillow. :)

Wishing all a safe, happy and abundant Thanksgiving!

Be well in all things.

Internal Resources

2011-11-21T16:33:00.000-08:00

Well, I haven't paid much attention to this blog ~ my virtual journal ~ for such a long while. One never knows how grief will take them, even when it is somewhat expected.

Gran's death created such a vacuum in my life. And I was blessed in my gran's very existence and I was equally blessed in her passing. She left me some wonderful gifts. It was simply challenging at the time receive it all. Gran was a living reflection of unconditional love. What she taught me, I applied in my life. Where Gran left off, my children took over. So, I have been raised by some amazingly loving people!

I have been taking stock of my resources, my internal ones. And what I have discovered is that I have worked myself silly over the last weeks and months, long before Gran passed.

This has cut me off from my senses and the power of sensuality, from my creativity, from my joy and enthusiasm for life, from my naturally perky nature. Oh, it comes out to play from time to time...just nothing consistent. My guitar has collected dust (or would, except my daughter plays it), my pencils are still in their case, the paper unused. I currently lack my customary grace and tolerance in dealing with others. I work to muster up the energy for exercise and even to cook a decent meal.

I began to question when and how this shift took place...

I stayed in my present employment for far too long. This is observational.

I feel beyond tired.

I slept 11 hours Friday night and 10 on Saturday.

I am taking steps to remedy this. I am actually looking forward to what may come from these changes. It is time and more.

Sleep is my new religion. xD Self-care a daily requirement. And the cultivation of pleasure in life is a new pursuit!

Be well!

To Your Beauty and Your Health

2011-11-13T18:39:00.000-08:00

rms beauty

I cannot say enough about these wonderful, natural products. I love, Love, LOVE the living luminizer and the "un" cover-up. A little goes a long way!

rmsbeauty.com

Living Libations

I had a wonderful dental visit, all thanks to Living Libations tooth products. My dentist told me that my mouth was beautiful and that I have the gum tissue of a 16 year old. How amazing is that? Especially since I am far from 16 years old. :) You really only use 1 drop at a time and the results are tremendous.

I love the 'Best Skin Ever' for moisturizing and for cleansing...Chocolate for the body and Seabuckthorn for the face. It keeps my skin soft and my lips plump (the chocolate kind) and diffuses the lines around my eyes.

I don't usually advertise for others, I just feel that healthy products for personal care is incredibly important. All the toxins in the regular stuff ages our skin and poisons our bodies! Our bodies deserve the best care and as much love as we can give them.

Check out: livinglibations.com

Much love!

What will it be?

2011-11-13T18:28:00.000-08:00

I've been in such a strange place lately. It is coming upon the first holidays without Gran! I never know when sad is coming to visit. I usually close the door and attempt to push it away. But lately, I am learning that it's not helping me to move through my feelings.

I watched 'Pay It Forward' to get myself to cry. Wow, I really don't like that movie for that one reason. I always cry. Well, ok, I cried both times I watched it.

Work is strange. I have outgrown the place and have begun applying for new positions. We shall see what comes of this.

What I do understand, though, is that I would love to make a huge shift. I just don't know how to get from where I am now to where I would love to be.

I've been contemplating my "why" behind my desires. The reason that lights me up. The words that reflect the essence of my feelings. The visions of what my life would look like if I actually received my desires. It is a new practice.

I love the idea of connecting to my senses, including my intuition and the feeling of saying "Yes!" to life. I am willing to dream and yet, I feel afraid to dream.

But that won't stop me.

Here's to the New!

Beauty Cleanse

2011-06-08T18:25:00.000-07:00

I made a 21 day commitment to a beauty cleanse.

Today, I have the opportunity to clear a sacred space for my contemplations.

This is a good thing, and timely too. I hold myself back...I have told myself I can't have what I want and dreams don't come true, only in fairy tales. Death has a way of giving permission, so I am going to accept that and figure things out. Starting with my un-beautiful thoughts.

Gandhi says that happiness is when what you think, say and do are in harmony. This sort of happiness is something I have long desired and sometimes, I really do experience it. Now I wish for it to expand.

Take good care!

~M

Such a Long Time

2011-06-07T20:10:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in so long! And so much has happened...I found that I just couldn't move into a space to share.

Gran passed away in January. That I was able to be present during her transition was amazing. She honored us all by allowing us to be a part of her experience. It was one of the most beautiful, loving and profound things that I have ever experienced.

At first, I thought that my heart broke completely and I would never be the same.

Then I realized that one of Gran's gifts to me was this: my heart was completely broken open to receive more Love.

Now I know that I really will never be the same again. It's just not possible to go back to the way I once was.

The memorial is coming up soon; we've all needed this long to adjust and to create a relationship with the Invisible.

I love you, Gran.

xoxo

Take good care. :)

Loving Myself and The Law of Attraction

2010-12-15T19:14:00.000-08:00

After a couple of very interesting weeks and a few a-ha's right in a row, I got this big thing!

When I am stuck, I am not loving myself enough to see beyond the stuck place or the shite or whatever you want to call it. I have to love myself so much (or enough) to dissolve the fear or the illusion or the faulty belief system or the whatever it is that is blocking my perspective of All Possibilities.

I can love myself into abundance, right relationship, right employment, more clients--whatever it is that I desire to create. It is an amazing feeling to envision my life the way I would like it to look and love myself while I see that thing take shape, or ask for money to flow into my life as I love myself and ask for this money with love as well.

Love Lifts Me

2010-12-05T15:54:00.000-08:00

SHE RESPONDED

The birds' favorite songs
You do not hear,

For their most flamboyant music takes place
When their wings are stretched
Above the trees

And they are smoking the opium
Of pure freedom.

It is healthy for the prisoner
To have faith

That one day he will again move about
Wherever he wants,
Feel the wondrous grit of life -
Less structured,

Find all wounds, debts stamped canceled,
Paid.

I once asked a bird,
"How is it that you fly in this gravity
Of darkness?"

She responded,

"Love lifts
Me."

~ Hafiz ~

New Religion

2010-11-28T12:08:00.000-08:00

For a while, I have been saying that my new religion was worshiping my sleep and getting enough rest.

I have to add to that. Something completely different.

It is vitally important to stay 100% loyal to the present moment and What Is.

It was dismaying to me to realize that most of us are not present. And the people in our lives are playing roles we have assigned to them. We are wearing masks and handing out masks to others.

I am choosing to be present and to really see those who are in my life. No masks. Embracing humanness and the beauty of all whose life touches mine.

Be Well!

Sacred Longing...

2010-11-16T17:50:00.000-08:00

Longing is a deep and spiritual thing.

Longing is your heart and your soul speaking to you. (Or at least trying to speak.)

I believe that deep within each of us, there is a longing for connection. A longing for Home. A longing that honors the sacredness of each of us and the sacredness of the planet on which we live.

In the tradition that I follow, Original Sin is simply forgetting who We Are. It means forgetting where we came from...

In a way, the things that we sometimes do to ourselves, each other and our planet that are disrespectful, unkind or damaging are all aspects of forgetting.

Here's to living a life of Remembering through Sacred Longing.

Be well.

M

If Love Could Speak...What Would Love Say Right Now?

2010-11-11T16:28:00.000-08:00

I am asking myself that question.

I am also asking myself what kind of environment do I need to create in order for me to thrive?

My feeling is that both of these questions are absolutely excellent. I am going to explore to find out...

On another note, I contacted a web designer to get some information.

I am visualizing my life with some new parameters.

Over this last weekend, I reconnected to 2 dear friends, both of whom had left the Mormon church. Such an unexpected thing from both of them. This was independent of the other woman. In fact, I am certain that neither of my friends have met. Yet. Anyway, quite interesting timing.

Although the Shed Project has drawn to a close, I feel as though shedding will now become a more regular part of my life. :)

If Love Could Speak...

2010-11-10T17:43:00.000-08:00

What would Love say to you right now?

An New Year, An Old Project...And Me!

2010-11-05T21:14:00.000-07:00

Lest I become peri-menopausal and thusly somewhat forgetful (heh!), I thought that I would start off some of my New Year's comments and musings with a recap of my Shedventure and some random tidbits of wisdom gleaned in the mess of clutter or the mass of clutter. Whatever. It's all in my head. ;)

So, first of all...I can say that I have declared my personal space as being sacred. It is my sanctuary and therefore, my rules go. If you don't play nice, you aren't invited.

Fundamentally, I am a wonderful person. There is nothing wrong with me; I am not broken. Please don't attempt to fix me with your unsolicited advice (this is not for you, dear reader! This is for those lacking in boundaries...) because I may feel inclined to say, "Shut the fuck up."

There is no better time to wear my favorite shirt or to get out the good dark chocolate or maybe even break out that lovely, smooth sake. (Yes, I wrote that! I am a recovering Mormon, if you didn't know.) Or maybe do all 3 and have a party for no reason.

For me, the only way to be happy is to be in my body. Period, end of discussion. Everything else stems from being present. This is actually the way that I connect to the world of Spirit. It is a wonderful way to live...and for me, that is really All that Is.

Since there is nothing wrong with me, I can focus on enhancing or up-leveling or optimizing things in my life. Of course, I am still sorting thru the things that I truly want to keep in my life...as things leave, I am gaining clarity.

There's this whole thing that being "spiritual" is being good, nice, kind and sometimes kinda serious. Forget that shite. Really. This life is pretty fucking funny. xD I mean, I do know when and how to be reverential. Respectful. Compassionate. Kind. Loving. And I can still have a good time.

Lots of contemplation has been taking place. So, this is stuff I heard from Rev. Michael Beckwith:

*Live with curiosity about what is Good in your life
*Bliss is the activation of our potential
*Insight is "caught" not taught
*Perception is our point of view or opinion
*Vision is beyond limited perception to see What Is
*Spiritual practice sustains vision and a-ha moments
*Enlightenment focuses on what is Real and Eternal--Love, Peace, Compassion, etc.
*We aren't creating our lives; rather we are creating our perceptions of our lives (So, this is the one that got me. If my perceptions of my life are limited and negative, my life becomes this. Life is shaped by me and Life shapes me. We are intertwined, Life and I. So...by expanding my perceptions into vision, my experiences of Life expand. And Life answers me...the Life I have is all that I have and yet, it is so much and so full of potential. It is only up to me to decide what my vision is!)
*Life is already created and Real
*When the conditions are right, our potential emerges. Create your own environment so that you/your potential thrives, blooms, flourishes
*When we feel spiritual 'highs' we are actually touching our own potential
*Laugh. A Lot.
*Laughter brings us to the wonder of What Is. It brings us more good. More Love. More Joy. It opens us to the wisdom of the Universe...
*Enlightened means giving thanks for what others take for granted
*True prayer is touching reality without trying to get anything from it
*Feel it. Embody it. It will show up. This is the Law!!!
*Both pain and insight prompt growth. Take your pick
*Pain pushes us until vision pulls us
*Who would we be without drama?? (Drama is made up stuff to distract us)
*Now that I am awake...now what? Now that I am rich...now what? Now that I am happy...now what? (These are excellent questions to ask that lead to...)
*Turn everything into an Act of Worship! The Fine Art of Living Love. Being a Radiant Embodiment or Emanation of the Creator...

Now that I have been here in front of Igor for a while, it is time to unwind for bed. I think I will buy that chocolate tomorrow...while wearing a favorite shirt that hasn't made the laundry basket yet! Yup, that is the thing about this shedventure thingy...fewer clothes means (that's right, you guessed it), more laundry!

To The Ancestors

2010-10-31T18:43:00.001-07:00

This is my year to break free. To embrace my path. This is my year to master my emotions. This year, I show up as radiant Love and honor this body temple. This Divine Feminine body temple.

And to kick this thing off with a Bang!, I am cleaning. Cleaning with consciousness, and with purpose.

Happy New Year. May the energies of this New Year come in clean and fresh, carried on the Winds of Positive Change. May the energies of the Old Year be blessed for the experiences and gifts that were given.

Each Samhain, I light my candles and say a prayer of thanksgiving to those who walked before me. I also dedicate the coming year to some personal goal or goals.

Part of my prayer--I Am. Bring It Forth.

Many Blessings,

M

Just Sitting with Myself...

2010-10-26T15:46:00.000-07:00

In the Taoist tradition:

Gentleness overcomes fear.
Kindness overcomes anger.
Compassion overcomes worry or anxiety.
Joy overcomes impatience.
Personal power overcomes pain.

I am realizing now that I haven't really done a good job allowing myself my feelings. It is something I still have to work at in the present. Even though people say to let go & I struggle to do this "letting go," everyone lets go in their own time and in their own way.

I am learning to allow myself all of my feelings and to stay present with those feelings particularly when I don't like them. (Which happens more frequently than I care to admit!)

Triggers...

2010-10-24T12:19:00.000-07:00

So, I am not an obsessive freak all the time!

Nope, only when I get triggered by stress. By drama. By engaging in judgment.

I've been spending more time with my practice of presence. Being present with my body. Being in my body. And meeting myself with Love.

It's not always easy. It is most definitely always worth it.

Be well.

Face-Planting or Coming Clean

2010-10-20T18:43:00.000-07:00

Ooohhh! Do I really want to do this? I don't know. I have some resistance. And I am gonna do this anyway. =/

This shed has led me to dumping so much mental and emotional crap. Crap that I didn't even realize that I hung onto...

The thing about it all is, I have had all the symptoms of holding onto to emotional/mental crap. Really, I have.

Obsessing.

I obsess as a way to avoid confronting the shite. Obsess and obsess and obsess. The big, huge, ginormous give away that there is stuff to look at. That I need to rest with myself and the pain or the fear or the whatever it is, until the obsessing stops.

It means stopping the obsess train in its tracks and getting the fuck off the damn train. No more games. No more beat myself up because I didn't follow some crazy-ass rule made up by my family of origin or ones that I decided to make up to deal with the insanity of growing up under The Big Top. Yes, as in The Circus.

It means finding some compassion. Kindness. Gentleness. Love for myself. And yes, indeedy, I DO love myself. I certainly love myself enough to get off that fucking train.

The rules of my childhood didn't save me from the pain of rejection. The banishment. Because I spoke The Secret. (Since those rules did NOT save me, why the fuck do I obsess over them? I am burning them up, babe, in the bonfire of the true light of my own soul. Bring it forth.)

Even more than that, The Circus is the Cosmic Joke of my life. Really. Was my mother the Bearded Lady, the Ring Master or the Lion Tamer? And my dad? That crazy monkey in the red vest and cap, chasing a banana with a pair of cymbals...and me? I was the Tightrope Walker. Uhuh.

Sunday...

2010-10-17T14:36:00.000-07:00

*Sigh*

I really am thankful that I chose to engage in all this shedding. Really. I do feel pretty tired, mentally, though.

Today, I am reminded yet again that I tend to take myself too seriously. I tend to take life too seriously as well. And what for?? It is not something that I choose to do consciously...it just starts happening when I feel stressed (I think). And then, it just spirals outta control.

Life is not without its messes, minor disasters, pains, wipeouts, upsets and general chaos and insanity. The trick, I think, is to just roll with the punches and let it all be okay. Basically, I can't think of one single thing from the last couple of weeks that is permanent in my life. Everything changes, so why not sit back and enjoy the show?

It has been challenging for me to realize that I have to let go of some relationships. Just as much, the boundaries of my existing relationships may, in fact, need to change. This is where a lot of stuff comes up...then, there are my children. Gotta love 'em! Just don't love their messes. And this is leading me to draw new boundaries for mess makers. Heh. I don't know what all this is going to end up looking like (and the joy is that I don't have to know) and I am not in this to win a popularity contest!

I think that I am done with the judgment. Many of my family members have not been shy about their feelings about how I live my life. Um, did I ask for your opinion? Really? You don't have other things to worry about or to focus on? The way I choose to live my life is right for me. And it is my right to make my own choices and my own mistakes and my own messes. No one has to agree with me. No one has to do it my way. And ultimately, I know that I have done my best. My best has changed thru the years; that is how this thing called Life works. You make a mistake, you hopefully learn from the experience, you don't do the same thing again. Unless you are insane (doing the same thing over and over and over again, expecting different results). I try to avoid the insanty.

I love my family. They still need to fuck off.

Just keep breathing; it's all good.

Fear of Flying; Willing to Let Go

2010-10-14T20:20:00.000-07:00

Come to the edge

Life said.

They said:

We are afraid.

Come to the edge

Life said.

They came.

It pushed them...

And

they

Flew.

Guillaume Apollinaire

1870-1918

Day 30

2010-10-14T16:33:00.000-07:00

Things are moving, even if it's presently slow going.

Today, I took more bags to Goodwill. They must love me. LOL Not much in the way of clothes--a little here, a little there. More books. More cds. More old board games.

I had an old bracelet repaired. I had a favorite shirt altered to fit me now. I made a list of things that still needed to go. I made a list of things I wanted to do.

I have things that need replacing; that will happen eventually. Right now, it is more about staying on top of laundry and the like. How many pairs of underwear does one need, really? I am not sure; I just know I need to do some laundry before I go commando!

My daughter has been shedding. She has been cleaning. She has been painting. This is really something. Painting the wall that she previously decorated with interesting pictures and colors artfully smeared on the wall, with fabric draping the sides like a fall of curtains.

My emotions have balanced out. Thank goodness. I am more and more myself. And happy, even if I am not quite clear about my direction. I do know that I am going to think about concepts for a website. I am going to carve out a new routine to honor myself and my body and my health. I am going to make my life more sacred.

I am going to shift my interactions with others...and if I in anyway feel bad about myself, the convo is over. And if all of their conversations with me are negative, then I just won't have them in my life. This is a new place. I feel so over the negativity. I am choosing to life my life a certain way...and it really is making me happy!

I really get the whole 'fuck off' thing. If someone really cares, why, Why, WHY would they tear you down??? All because they think you are doing a rotten job of living your life and you don't know what the fuck you are doing. (Or something like that. ) According to them. Uh, excuse me? Whose life is this anyway?

I am sitting back, laughing. Life is pretty funny, when all is said and done. I am pretty fucking funny, too. Checking how things are unfolding. Holding space for grace and ease. Shedding limitations.

Everything is possible.

Werd, y'all!

What Day Is It Anyway?

2010-10-13T16:13:00.000-07:00

Oh my Goddess!

So, everything has been stirred up! Everything.

Am I happy in my job? Not exactly...do I want to stay? NO. Too fucking much drama. What's next? Don't know yet. Yet being the operative word.
Am I happy in my life right now? Yes and no. Last week seemed to be the 'Beat Marnie Up Week.' I realized several things:

I allow people to give me unsolicited advice. What happened to simply sharing and then being asked if I want feedback?

I allow the unsolicited advice and then I feel bad about myself. What the fuck for??

I have been very happy (in some ways) being single; I have truly enjoyed developing my relationship with myself. That has rocked my world in numerous, delightful ways.

I believe that creating my life can be really easy. I get to put down the struggle.

I want to "fix" things. There is NOTHING to fix. It's all good. :)

Sometimes, moms don't always see their creations as beautiful...I am choosing to see beauty in my life. It is my creation, after all. :)

I am free!

Good things come when the space is open. Including my creativity!!

I went to a women's playshop on Saturday. My monthly tantra gig! I set my intention to shed anything that was hanging me up. What came up during an opening meditation was personal freedom. After 2 rounds of breath work, I truly set myself free (with help and support). I saw the oldest, stuckest energies move! I was supported by 4 very powerful women to do this. I felt a huge connection with them. Giving myself permission gave them permission as well. The release was sweet and healing laughter followed.

Today, I still feel that open and empty space inside. I completely grasp the concept now that I hold that space open or I fill it with too many thoughts--mental 'stuff.' Being conscious with my thoughts and the prompts that my body gives me is how I choose to roll from now on!

I am planning to start my own website. I know it is time to take my work out in a bigger way. My wisdom is enough. My talents and abilities are enough. I am enough...and more than enough. It really is okay not to know everything. That doesn't lessen the value of what I do have to offer to others. It has taken me a while to come to this. I am going to trust myself and listen to the call.

Bliss In!

Marnie

Day 23

2010-10-07T18:39:00.001-07:00

Although the assignments have been to:

clean the pantry & kitchen counters
imagine where it is that I would like to travel

I have actually been stuck on the emotional things I would like to shed. The negative things to which I hold an attachment.

Self-sabotage. No one in my life to love me and be there just for me (a relationship-type thing), caring more for what others think of me, caring too much. Not trusting myself enough.

All released...

On another note, a stylist at work dressed me. New things are coming in now; I am making room so that I can express a more authentic version of myself. :)

Prayer

2010-10-02T19:33:00.000-07:00

Prayer by Belleruth Naparstek

Just give me this:
A rinsing out, a cleansing free
Of all my smaller strivings
So I can be the class act God intended,
True to my purpose,
All my energy aligned behind my deepest intention.

And just this:
A quieting down,
A clearing away of internal ruckus,
So I can hear the huge stillness in my heart,
And feel
How I pulse with all creation,
Part and parcel of Your great singing ocean.

And this too:
A willingness to notice and forgive
The myriad times I fall short,
Forgetting who I really am,
What I really belong to.

So I can start over,
Fresh and clean,
Like sweet sheets billowing in the summer sun,
My heart pierced with gratitude.

belleruthnaparstek.com/update-from-belleruth/dude-dont-mangle-the-poem.html#comments

Day 18

2010-10-01T21:29:00.000-07:00

There is movement in my life once more! I have had 4 clients this week...and I am sort of feeling overwhelmed.

It feels great to have clients; I am feeling better and better about my decision to start my own website to offer my services to others! Yes, it pushes some buttons and I am willing to let go of my learned emotional responses and allow myself to just be with this direction my life is taking.

Work is interesting. I have made every effort not to gossip or encourage gossip at work. And now I am being asked not to allow my personal feelings to show about a particular situation. I am not sure that I like this, although I do understand the intention behind it. I wear my emotions on my face. I better not try and play poker. So how do I do what I am being asked to do? I am not entirely certain.

I am happy to report that I haven't done much emotional eating. As well, I haven't done any shopping to replenish my depleted wardrobe. I may end up needing to replace socks and things...and I would have done that eventually anyway. My intentions for any new purchases are that what I buy reflects who I really am. I am choosing to practice the fine Art of Adornment. Truly living is an art!

Be well!

Day 17--Emotional Shedding

2010-09-30T20:16:00.000-07:00

OMG, this has been such a week! I had a dream about the yoga studio where I work. I was stuck behind the front desk, surrounded by towels and I couldn't move. Oy!

I have been letting go of:

the concept that I am not allowed to shine
the notion that I have to be perfect
the tendency to fill the empty spaces with stuff
the need to be someone other than me or to look like someone I'm not
the idea there isn't enough and that's why I need my "stuff"

I have been angry, grieving, anxious, my body hurts. I have wanted sugar to soothe the hurts--which I don't always eat. I am standing up for myself at work. I am meeting myself with love, even when I don't feel lovable. I am applying compassion, kindness and gentleness.

This is only temporary!

Day 14 or Bat-Shit CRAZY

2010-09-27T19:25:00.001-07:00

OMG!!! This shedding thing is exhausting.

My weekend was spent pitching a major temper tantrum. Can we say twee years o-w-d?

My children are pretty used to me and my unusual fits and starts. And now? Just fucking bat-shit crazy!

This week we are getting into the emotional crap...

And my first impulse was to go into judgment! WTF! I am a healer and a shaman! A sensitive/intuitive...like I shouldn't be having this experience. Heh!

But this is just like making multiple sweeps to clear away a few more books, a few more clothes or a bit more clutter. It is just peeling away another layer of the onion to get to the core...just my core stuff is up closer and closer to the surface these days. I guess this is something for which I can be thankful.

I am that much clearer and that much lighter simply for taking this on!

I think that I am just gonna be bat-shit crazy for a few more weeks and emotionally exhausted. I can and I will be kind to myself. I am meeting myself with love because that is really all I have. :)

That, and I have my list of emotional crap begun...all the stuff I am planning to let go of in a lovely little burning ceremony and give away.

Peace In!

~m

So Far...

2010-09-23T18:03:00.000-07:00

I have shed:

rocks
books
clothes
books
videos/dvds
cookbooks
papers
(add old boardgames to this list! they are leaving!!!)

This is wonderful in its own way. I appreciate the space that is opening up.

It's very interesting...the new things that have already started coming in to my life and this new space. I am not sure how it's all gonna unfold and truth to tell, I actually feel pretty excited. Partially because I know that I am creating my life and I get to watch the seeds I planted in the last couple of years come to fruition and also because I don't know what the final picture is really going to look like. I have been letting go of non-physical things on this shed and that is actually starting to show in my internal landscape too. (Uh, do I think I have a book problem?? Quite likely. (= ] )

I know that I have carried a lot of perceptions from the past and loads of learned emotional responses to external situations. The funny thing is I have never really thought about what that did to me and my own growth and personal development. Doh! Yeah, light bulb! No wonder I am in this interesting (and not bad) place of figuring out who I Am and what I want. I never really had the opportunity to create a relationship with myself during my childhood years. I didn't develop a lot of self-knowledge or self-awareness and so I have spent the last few years doing this intensely. And really, feeling horribly, bitchily selfish for taking the time I needed to figure this shit out!

Since I have been developing this relationship with myself, I can let it be okay to want what I want and to let those true, pure desires shape my life and my external self-expression. I get it now, the desire to change my external appearance as I have been evolving. And the emerging me really doesn't give a fuck what other people think.

And it is amazing to me to see how my consciousness is connecting to the things I buy, to the things that I eat, to the clothes that I wear, the habits that I keep. It is all energy and it is all connected. And the excesses! And the waste! Oh my! This is good stuff...keep it coming!

I mean, life is not all neat and tidy. It is gritty and messy. There are tears. The are moments of pain. And all of it is part of life. It is totally up to me to decide to prolong my painful moments or to just let go!

I choose simple. :)

This weekend the assignment is clothes/shoes. I am going to try on everything I own and anything that does not reflect the true me (whether it is not comfortable, or the color is wrong, or it doesn't fit...) is leaving! And I am going to cart off loads of things to the local library for donation and/or Goodwill.

Yay, me!

Day 9

2010-09-22T17:22:00.001-07:00

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."

- Aristotle

Day 8

2010-09-21T17:05:00.000-07:00

William Morris once said, "have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful."

Day 7

2010-09-20T10:52:00.000-07:00

Wow! What a weekend...resistance over cleaning out the fridge. (Why?) Although it is done now.

I let go of a stack of books...some old, Old, OLD videos...cleared out a lot of paper trash. (The odds and ends of paperwork that I have saved!)

Let go of mineral makeup eyeshadows and blush. All virtually brand new. My daughter wanted them, so power to her. I, on the other hand, am low maintenance.

I let go of a shopping bag full of clothes. And rather than get rid of a necklace that I liked but just wasn't quite right, I gave it a makeover and love it!

Oh, and bunches of rocks! Mostly the tumbled variety. The larger, raw rocks are going to go back outside. :)

On the emotional front, it was the 15th anniversary of leaving an abusive relationship. I was still feeling somewhat angry and resentful--if he hadn't behaved like an ass, then I wouldn't have had to leave.

And then I wouldn't be the me I am today. Hhmmm.

I have been holding tight to things that I really want. I have been holding tight to things that I don't really want...but didn't recognize it at first. I am peeling my fingers back, loosening my grip and easing myself into letting go.

I can tell, this is going to be some kinda Shed. *Sigh*

Beautiful!

2010-09-18T21:07:00.001-07:00

Day 5

2010-09-18T12:06:00.000-07:00

Today's assignment is to clean out the door of the fridge--or if the whole thing is a mess, clean it All! And to shop for food for the next week--buying nothing in a tin, a package, or a box. Check out these recipes! Inspiring and lovely! And only 5 ingredients. :) Start sorting thru books, which I had begun doing the beginning of the year and going for a walk and finding joy in anticipating what is coming into the space I am creating!

I've actually started cleaning up/out other things...my closet, my dresser, my bathroom cabinet, my computer and all the e-junk. I am evolving thru this whole experiment and am feeling particularly thankful for it.

Something I do know for sure is that anywhere and in anyway that I do not love myself I am creating a space for things that do not belong to me to come in...all the stuff that I have saved--particularly the e-junk--comes from not trusting in myself, in who I am and how I show up each day. When I am loving myself, I don't need the latest creams, lotions or potions, gadgets, fashion or the self-help 'how-to' stuff. While these things are not inherently bad, if it is blocking me from hearing myself or it is confusing my own wisdom or taking time and space from creating my life and my joy, then I most definitely do not need it. So I am choosing to be very selective right now. :)

As for adorning the body beautiful, well, if I don't like the energy of the clothes or jewelry or how I feel wearing them, then off they go to find a new home. And the new home can't be my 17 year old daughter. I am seeing that I want my things to go to a good home and then I want to pick the receiver. LOL Sort of defeating the purpose here because I don't want to turn anybody else into my personal dumping ground...kind of what happens in my family when it is time to get rid of stuff.

What I am presently getting out of this experience is that it is time to trust myself and to let go of all the things I have held onto because I have been afraid that I won't do a good job just being me!

Peace In!

Day 3

2010-09-16T18:30:00.000-07:00

Clutter is all about the energy of emotions. As I explore my emotions today, I sense loads of anger buried beneath the "stuff." I guess I must like hanging on to this anger, although I am not certain of the mistaken goal behind it.

I know that in the past anger has given me the strength to make changes and the courage to go into new and frequently uncharted territory. I am feeling like I no longer need the anger since I am free to make choices about myself and what I want to do with my life and my energy.

While feeling into my body and into the issue of how I block myself from receiving love is uncomfortable, I know this is allowing me to release things from my life in a big way. Change is coming; it is already begun. Movement has begun.

I do recognize that I have allowed the beliefs and the perceptions of others to take up residence in my space, my energy field and in my head. These maggoty, parasitic beliefs and perceptions are usually all about what others think of me and who they believe me to be. Quite mistakenly, I might add.

People have told me for YEARS that I look just like my mother. (This is NOT about my mother's physical beauty! This is about me being seen for Me.) I finally asked my dad what he thought...something I had never thought to do before! He doesn't think that I look like my mother. I don't think I look just like my mother. I no longer accept this perception from others. I am a good mix of both my parents. More than that--I LOOK LIKE ME!!! And what is wrong with that???

And for some strange reason, people bring up how I was as a child, as though that child is still who and how I am today. Wow! Stuck in the past much?? I am a new and better me with each inhale. Every moment is an opportunity to show up as my very best-est and most loving and compassionate self. I choose to take those moments; I choose to be my most real and my most authentic self. And my best-est self includes the messy and the vulnerable moments in my life--because that is when I am REAL!

Peace in!

Day 2 or It Is What It Is

2010-09-15T19:52:00.000-07:00

Heh! What a day. =/

The pot has been stirred; I sort of welcome it. Sorta. It is that odd fascination that most of us mere humans feel towards our negative creations--until we wake up and release. It is an odd addiction, I suppose. Just like the crazy behaviors I use to step out of my life in an uncomfortable moment.

Right now, there is discomfort. And an emotional fatigue. I recognize that most of my extracurricular shedding activities are going to take place during my weekends. To that end, I have gotten a jump on laundry and am gazing at everything with measured looks.

To kick off my shed-venture, I have also made a commitment to the T-Tapp method of exercise--a 4 day mini-boot camp. Just to unkink my spine and open my joints and maybe just firm up the softer spots! My body is feeling it!

I am surrendering to this process and hope to eventually relax into it; to give myself up and over to the whole experience. The Universe came a-knockin' and I answered...I sure don't need a whambulence yet! LOL

This is Operation Un-conceal in a Big way!

Day 1

2010-09-14T16:31:00.000-07:00

Wow! I woke up today with an amazing feeling of starting something new and wonderful. :) The feeling carried into most of my day at work...from 5:30 a.m. to 1 p.m. What a high.

I must confess, however, to a nagging feeling of fear and resistance. In fact, I felt this same fear and resistance when I signed up--the clue for me that I needed to take this on. Cuz that is just how I roll in my life. ;) The fear was all about unconcealing the real me...and what exactly would be left when I completed this awesome and inspiring project. What a group of marvelous and brave souls to take this on. Yay, Bindu!!

Anger has come up already--anger that I have allowed other people's perceptions of me to take up residence in my head and to become more important to me than how I think of or perceive myself. I am so kicking that to the curb!

And I want to make a tray of brownies from "Mayumi's Kitchen" to ease my feelings...but I haven't done that yet! It's either that or macrobiotic rice crispie treats--the healthy version. :)

Today's project: cleaning out my car's glovebox, center console and trunk and my purse! Before and after pics to will be going up soon...wish me luck.

A Shedventure!

2010-09-13T09:20:00.000-07:00

What a space I have been in recently! A wonderful new space that brings with it new insights, new feelings, old issues and old learned responses.

With all that said, I just feel so tired of carrying so much stuff around! Stuff with which I have been completely unconscious. Stuff I have just absorbed by osmosis. Even more, it’s stuff I have been avoiding, resisting, or denying for a long time.

New perceptions are arising almost daily, in a rush of impressions and feelings. Sometimes the input is so startling and unexpected I don’t know what to do, to think, to feel, or even how to relate. Actually, I usually take up the role of the witness; what a blessing!

I have created my life thus far. I am a Creator. I am also an artist. An artist of my own life. And a writer. And a healer, a teacher and a shaman.

I have held out the intention to clean up my messes from past creations. I have held the space for this to come to pass. And it has. It is time to let go, to clear the air and to lighten my load. I can’t breathe in my own life right now. I can’t breathe and I can’t feel the flow of creation and I feel as though I can’t move. As much as I have hidden behind a wall or a mask of fear, it’s worse to feel squashed, trapped and stuck.

I wanted answers in terms of my next step or steps; I didn’t get direct answers. I got a shedventure instead…

What I do know instinctively, though, is that by giving myself sacred space in my life (because my life is sacred, every part), I will get my answers. I will find my way…and my bliss and my joy and my very own happiness.

Be Careful What You Wish For…

2010-09-13T09:18:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah, I know…trite title, but true.

I have begun a new phase in my life, not entirely sure of my direction. My youngest child has graduated from high school a year early and I think the empty nest experience is coming. I have mixed feelings about this. I am working a part-time job that I enjoy, but one that ultimately doesn’t fulfill me. I wake up at the ass-crack of dawn and have a limited social life. I would love to relocate and have no clue where this ultimately will be. Basically, I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I have been somebody’s mom for 20+ years (3 somebodies, actually), I find that I am somewhat at a loss to know what to do with myself. And once my daughter turns 18 and goes on her way, I will be in the space to “grow up.”

I know that I am holding myself back. That is the way it is with most of us folks down here on the planet. It’s all self-imposed nonsense. I keep reminding myself that I am bigger than my fears. And that staying devoted to the giving of my gifts is what really matters. This crazy world is filled with illusion and most of us spend our time chasing things that have no real meaning. I believe that what’s gonna matter in the end is how well we have loved while we were here.

I have been doing psychic reads on line and recognize that isn’t the best fit for me. I have been a spiritual coach and energy therapist for over 12 years and I think that is my true love…

So, I asked for clarity. I asked for a man who meets and matches the deepest desires of my heart. I asked for direction. I got all those things! Now the question I am asking myself is, “Am I brave enough to take this on?”

I guess we’ll find out. :)

Oh, Things They Are A-Changing!

2010-03-13T18:26:00.000-08:00

Ah...the energies are moving and shifting. And life is changing. Even before I started to type.

A new job! Well, in addition to the YogaWorks job. New doors opening. New possibilities.

Perhaps I am even getting a little braver in telling fear to fuck off...

...and certainly, I have a new view of how I want to feel in relationship with myself. And that is really something! I wanna rock this new feeling and see what I can create. :)

I am cracking open the door to the New and the Unknown. I am saying YES to me. I am cracking open my heart and allowing myself to receive.

Blissings and Blessings!

Om Shanti

I Love Me

2010-01-28T15:52:00.000-08:00

http://www.madlyinlovewithme.com/about/index.htm

I love Me day is 13 February 2010!

Share the Love. :) <3

There is no Enlightenment

2010-01-27T16:32:00.000-08:00

There is only awakening to the vastness of your own being. The vastness of existence. The Beauty of What Is.

May You Be Blessed

2010-01-15T16:31:00.000-08:00

On Being a Butterfly

2010-01-12T16:25:00.000-08:00

"'How does one become a butterfly?' she asked pensively. 'You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.'" ~ Trina Paulus

This year, I think that I have decided to become a "butterfly."

It's Alright

2010-01-11T17:58:00.000-08:00

"I Am The Master of My Life" by Maureen Moss

2010-01-10T12:22:00.000-08:00

As I have spent some time contemplating my intentions for the New Year, this landed in my inbox. Some wonderful stuff here to incorporate into my musings for the next year or so! Enjoy. :)

"Dearest Hearts,

As always, I pray you are well. Happy New Year, New Cycle, New Activations, New Life!

Have you landed (for a few minutes,) from the Cosmic stimulation, the whirlwind of gates, doorways, portals, spirals, moons (blue, silver and white,) and eclipses that have swept over us like Cosmic Tsunamis since the 11-11, 2009?

We did not just end a year; we stepped into another massive activation vortex on the 31st of December and for many, noticeably into a new dimension, that will forever change the history and experience of humankind through a reintroduction of the basic laws of alignment, attraction, multi-dimensional communication, intention and allowance.

Some shared with me that they felt as though they were lifted out of a tight box, feeling the expansion of the playing field along with their energy field.
Some are saying they are "happy for no reason." Another shared that it felt like "a fog of death has passed by us, scooping up those who were ready to go and giving wake up calls to those who aren't." All accounts are accurate.

So, take a short breather, because what's coming this month is going to continue to upend what we call the 'rational mind," stoke the fires of further change and amplify whatever state you are in, be it love or fear. Note: Choose your state of mind very carefully this month, it will have long reaching effects for you this year.

We have another New Moon - Solar Eclipse ahead mid-month, and then Mars in opposition to the Earth on the 29th. Mars in opposition to the Earth is going to create what some may feel as passion while others feel it as aggression. Consciously choose passion.

How we experience the opposition will be directly related to how we are learning to master the ways to work with the energies at hand, and whether we let unreliable belief systems interpret our reactions to the energies, or our higher vibratory perceptions, respond to them. At months end a Full Moon carries the energy of the Red Ray, which is all about change, power and connection to all Life.

During this action-orientated month, plug into what pleases you, and unplug from what does not. This strongly includes relationships. Honor yourself at every turn. Humankind has rarely honored themselves, via their heart channel, though often sacrificed themselves, believing that was a requirement to service. No further sacrifice required. Be of good service in a joyful way. The other is serving no one.

Use the days and the energies within them to actively chart your course, choice-by-choice, and relationship-by-relationship. This year you have every opportunity to consciously Master Your Life. The Universe is on your side as is the current cycle of energy. This is the time, the year and the month where the energy prepares and supports you to shift from what appeared to be your fate, into your destiny.

This is the year that many lies that have been passed down for millennia, that have kept you small will be exposed, by your own experiences, your dreams, and the appearances that many will call paranormal. You waited and waded through many lifetimes to come to this potential. Grab it with your full heart, and bring your life to LIFE. Open your eyes and your minds.

This month, implement something that you are passionate about. It will be supported. Commit to what you formerly believed was not possible, though you have long desired it. Go for it. Everything is possible now. Don't let your 'rational mind' (the one I call irrational,) have you believing otherwise.

Get clear about who you are, and what your relationship is to God and the Angels, to each other and yourself. Get into alignment and in love with each. LOVE is your Master Key. This is crucial to the unfolding of the rest of your year.

Also, get into rapport with your Higher Mind, your heart and your Soul. Listen to their messages and be creative on their behalf. They are your guiding Lights, assisting you greatly in Mastering Your Life. Learn to listen and take notes. Know you cannot fail, as long as you are in alignment with each.

Note: Once you are in rapport with your Higher Mind, heart and soul you may find yourself going in a direction that makes no 'sense' to you. Go for it! Consult with no one outside of yourself. You may well find your true peace while in the midst of the greatest adventure of your life! Those you need to assist you will show up to help, so don't strain your rational mind with "how am I going to do this?" Just move, (and use the 7 activations given at the end of this article,) while the energy is right there with you and supporting you.

Up until this point there has been much of what humans would like to call failure. It's not that there has been failure; there has been a lack of love behind endeavors. Many creations were born of the 'rational mind,' and human nature rather than the heart, soul, Higher Mind and Divine Nature, causing roadblocks and dead ends. That's what the rational mind deemed failure. Ignore it.

The heart would tell you that you just went down a passionless road that you weren't in love with in the first place. Exactly! No shame, no blame. So be it.

All that has gone on around us and in us since the 11:11 were impulses and energies to take us into to our hearts, prompt the opening of the Higher Mind, and unlock codes within our bodies to help us reach higher states of receptivity, creativity, unified and loving relationships and Higher consciousness.

No longer are we simply a grand experiment for God to experience more of Herself in while we are locked in our human nature. God desires the experience of our Divine Natures with all of its clarity, joy, passion, love and creativity. No longer are we mere beings in a body as a mandate to complete karma. Much of it, for many has been excused and transmuted by the Lords of Karma. Lets not create anymore. No longer are we "an instrument, a tiny pencil in the hands of the Lord with which He writes what He likes," (Mother Theresa).

We are the assembly of the Great Ones, The Emissaries, put on this Earth to create an order outside of time. We are Grand Creations who are being given every miracle to make the seemingly impossible possible, and to let us know FOR SURE, that we are capable of becoming Masters of our Life, not the hostages of our circumstances.

There is, however, one caveat and seven guided actions and activations. Click here to find out what that is and to receive the guidance, support and activations to quicken your ascension and prepare yourself for "Mastering Your Life" along with ways to engage with the energy impulses of the first month of this New Year.

Sending Love,
Maureen"

(You can see the rest at World Puja Network!)

Here's to a Fabulous 2010!

2010-01-01T14:49:00.000-08:00

May we each be blessed with health, wealth, love, harmony, happiness, peace, joy, abundance and prosperity! May we be blessed to follow our bliss!

Things just keep getting better and better!

Many thanks go out the all those who showed up and helped to make 2009 a beautiful year!

The following is from 'The Crystal Matrix' News Letter by Patricia "Asheme`". Enjoy it.

"Greetings!

As 2009 leaves us with a Blue Moon and both a Mars and a Mercury Retrograde your life may feel as if it's slowly moving forward. It is. As this new year slowly moves forward consider what wasn't finished, or what may have been postponed. 2009 was a year of hectic, sometime frantic, needs to try keeping up. May this new year slow you down. May it remind you of the things that are truly important to your life. That special project is waiting for you this year. The class or workshop that will raise you to the next level of consciousness is now available.

This year is one to consider community rather than individual progress. A year of family ties being readjusted and healed rather than trying to remember who's right. A year of loving your friends as you love yourself.

Kindness is the key word this year. 2009 asked us to remember how important community is, 2010 asks us to involve ourselves in this community...locally and globally. Watch what comes to you this year, it will remind you of what can be shared. Whatever you plan to learn or expand upon in 2010 will have community at its heart.

We are finally living in the Fourth Dimension and while the computer age allows us to go anywhere in the world...we must take this 4-D expansion outside onto our streets and into our cities...we are all needed right now.

Spirit and Consciousness will guide each of us this year. Welcome to the New Age...it is finally here."

Oh My!

2009-11-22T15:52:00.001-08:00

It has just been sooo long since I have posted.

So much in of my inner landscape has changed. The externals have yet to catch up!

So much of my past desire to change others has had a great deal to do with owning my own feelings. That was something that I was unwilling to do. I have experienced freedom from this old pattern by connecting with myself, with my own body and then ultimately with my feelings. By seating my energy and my awareness deeply in my own body, my experience of life has changed!

I have found that if I think negative thoughts, I generate negative emotions. Not so much fun! Anything that allows me to become more conscious with my thoughts is quite a blessing.

Life gets complicated, sometimes. I think it is a lot about "stuff" for me. I am choosing to embrace simplicity. The pace of my life is changing and slowing. Hopefully, this will lead to a new expression of my creativity and my own sweet self. To aid me in this new adventure, I am creating an inspiration journal. I have found inspiration in some of the oddest places...if something speaks to me, I take delight!

I am learning also not to fight my nature. Who gives a flying f_ck what others think? If I am living my life open-hearted and with integrity and I am true to myself that is really all that matters.

December 3 marks my 3rd year anniversary of practicing White Tantra under the guidance of my teacher, Marielle. This has been a huge gift and blessing to me. I have softened and grown and changed in love because of this practice. I attended a puja last night. The experience was wonderful...and I got to walk away with a beautiful sense of love in all of my awareness--down to my cells--so that I can offer that to others.

Hug someone and really connect to them with an open heart and feel them totally relax!

Be well. Keep warm.

love, Love, LOVE

...as if...

2009-09-21T13:23:00.000-07:00

If I live "as if" my only environment is one of Unconditional Love...

I Am fertile ground, planting and nurturing seeds of love, creativity, wisdom and strength.

I Am as wide, as high, as open, as unbound and as vast as the Universe.

I Am Mother/Father/God made manifest as Marnie.

I Am Beauty, Truth, Harmony and Love.

I Am a river that has no end.

I Am the hands of the Creator.

I Am in the hands of the Creator.

I Am breathing in the Universal Love of the Mother of Us All with each inhale.

As If...

2009-09-21T13:10:00.000-07:00

What would your life be like if your only environment was one of Unconditional Love?

How would you feel?

How would you live your life?

How would you treat yourself?

Live today "as if" your environment was one of Unconditional Love...and make it so.

(Check out Michael Beckwith and Life Visioning!)

http://www.agapelive.com/bookstore/

Thoughts for the Day...Compilation

2009-08-28T15:15:00.000-07:00

"Your strength is real. Your weakness is the illusion." ~ Alan Cohen

"The human race...has unquestionably one really effective weapon--laughter." ~ Mark Twain

"Your experience of reality is simply a matter of emphasis." ~ Alan Cohen

"If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change." ~ Buddha

"Living consciously involves being genuine; it involves listening and responding to others honestly and openly; it involves being in the moment." ~ Sidney Poitier

"Now all that is left is for you to become yourself." ~ Johan Wolfgang von Goethe

"Good instincts usually tell you what to do long before your head has figured it out." ~ Michael Burke

"If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else!" ~ Lawrence "Yogi" Berra

"Be creative. Use unconventional thinking. And have the guts to carry it out." ~ Lee Iacocca

"The most unrealistic person in the world is the cynic, not the dreamer." ~ Paul Hawken

"Do not wait for the ending. The middle is usually more important." ~ Alan Cohen

"The world can change in an instant. So can the way you choose to see it. Why not choose to see the good in yourself and others." ~ Bob Perks

New Cycles...

2009-08-12T20:54:00.000-07:00

Healing cycles generally last about 8 weeks! (I did not know this, my spiritual coach told me this...)I am finishing up a cycle and lovely things are manifesting!

A new dress, a session with a client, a facial, my daughter's school transfer, a great parking place at LAX, a lovely evening in Santa Monica...all just magically happening.

Life is feeling really good. Even when stuff happens that DOESN'T feel so great, it still feels good. Life is still good.

I am learning that loving myself, even when things are not the way I would like is key to this goodness.

I wonder what the next phase of my life holds; I am really looking forward to the adventure!

Choices, Choices, Choices

2009-08-07T18:59:00.000-07:00

Just like the story of the two wolves, there are always different choices available in terms of how we choose to "see" our lives.

I think each day about what I want to give to Mother Earth. Am I choosing to give love and healing energy or fear and pain and more destruction?

I feel as though I am walking a line between the two choices...I can stand between them and watch. I can become more aware.

I can make better choices.

Everything runs in cycles. I plant the seeds for each new cycle in my life. What kind of seeds have I been planting? Have I completed past cycles? Have I been able to break the old patterns of dysfunction so that my now and future creations are clear?

I have been having some acupuncture treatments this week. My friend uses N.A.E.T. protocols and an amazing computer that can pick up sensitivities to things like my own neuro-peptides(!), so we are able to venture into the realm of emotions and allergies. These past couple of days have really stirred the pot to bring things up for release. I am very thankful for the opportunity to work with Kathleen!

I have become so aware lately that everything in my life has led to this time, that my life is unfolding beautifully and that I am right on time! This has led me to feeling more and more that I create my own life. I create my own joy and everything supports me in this if this is what I believe. It has taken me some time to get here...and now that I AM here, it is feeling pretty good. :)

Life is delicious! Really!

July Flew By...

2009-08-01T18:01:00.000-07:00

and What a Month it was!

So much has shifted around for me. I have learned an awful lot about myself. And yes, I think some of it was kind of awful! (Really, it is all good and there were just some things I needed to learn!)

I still had some anger about childhood experiences. I had a sense of entitlement because of past hurt. I had a hard shell around me that made it hard to get too close. I didn't own my looks and that kept me from feeling whole within myself. I was still complaining from time to time. That is victim mentality. I was also experiencing doubt and resistance. Also the victim stuff. Oh, not in a huge obvious way and not in every area of my life--just enough for ME to know that things were not in alignment.

Fundamentally, I do understand that I am a black or white kind of person. This is not a bad thing. I have the ability to say that either something is working or it is not! I tend to be blunt with my words and yet my goal is to make things better! I am also fundamentally a kind person. I am willing to move into the space where I see that my nature is a good thing, a gift and a blessing. Right now, I am just resting with this new understanding about me.

When I start to feel small, tight, narrow and sort of OCD, I can remember that I am really as big as the Great, Wide Universe. There is no way small and tight and narrow can remain in the face of the Vastness of What Is.

Speaking kind words is important. Speaking positively and passionately about all that Life has given is important too.

I have been questioning abundance and prosperity and what they really mean to me. This is a big thing for me. I am finding that receiving is a bigger issue...taking in the good in Life is a practice. Absorbing it into my whole system is a new thing. I think it is going to be just a teeny bit at a time!

I do know that I don't have to "do" anything to receive. That is the world's way and not the way of Spirit. I have to stay in the place of Be-ing...and from that place action comes with the desired outcome. Be-ing Happy, be-ing devoted to the giving of my gifts, be-ing receptive in a gracious and joyous way is beautiful and brings me into the vibrations of abundance.

I am learning to trust that I am a good and responsible creator. I have to answer to no one. My life is my own and my definitions of Success and Happiness are all that matter to me. My only job in life is to Be Happy and to Love Myself No Matter What!

I opened my heart to someone, someone I met when I was minding my own business and NOT expecting anything and it turned me inside out and upside down. In a bunch of good ways. In many loving and healing ways. For this amazing and wonderful gift, he has a place in my heart!

Thoughts to Change Your Mind

2009-08-01T17:31:00.000-07:00

"All healing is faith healing." ~ Alan Cohen

"Nobody has ever measured, even the poets, how much a heart can hold." ~ Zelda Fitzgerald

"The past cannot impede you because you are far greater than it is." ~ Alan Cohen

"Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own." ~ Harold Coffin

"The door you open to give love is the very one through which love arrives." ~ Alan Cohen

"With the eyes of the mind he gazed upon those things which nature has denied to human sight." ~ Ovid

"You don’t have to go looking for love when it is where you come from." ~ Werner Erhard

More Thoughts for the Week...

2009-07-12T13:55:00.000-07:00

"When you can't figure it out, feel it out." ~ Alan Cohen

"It doesn't matter how much you want. What really matters is how much you want it." ~ Ralph Marston

"You know how every once in a while you get that feeling when you feel light as a feather, and YOU KNOW with every fiber of your body that everything is exactly as it should be?" ~ Tut, Notes from the Universe

"We deem those happy who from the experience of life have learnt to bear its ills without being overcome by them." ~ Carl Jung

"and down he forgot as up he grew" ~ e.e. cummings

"Yesterday is a canceled check: Forget it. Tomorrow is a promissory note: Don't count on it. Today is ready cash: Use it!" ~ Edwin C. Bliss

"Needs are weeds. Thanks are banks." ~ Alan Cohen

"Don't be put off by people who know what is not possible. Do what needs to be done, and check to see if it was impossible only after you are done. ~ Paul Hawken

"Let well being be." ~ Alan Cohen

Personal Freedom

2009-07-04T09:59:00.000-07:00

"It's supposed to be easy. Everything is supposed to be easy. Everything is easy. You live in a dream world. You're surrounded by illusions. And the illusions change when you change your thinking!

Tell yourself it's easy. Tell yourself often. Make it a mantra. Eat, sleep, and breathe it. And your life shall be transformed.

It's supposed to be easy."

- Mike Dooley, Notes from the Universe

No matter what is going on in this crazy world of ours...it's supposed to be easy. It's my choice to make this my personal mantra--to honor those who came before. This is my path to freedom.

3 July 2009

2009-07-03T21:23:00.000-07:00

"Do at the beginning of day what would make your day worthwhile if you did nothing else." ~ Alan Cohen

"The first great gift we can bestow on others is a good example." ~ Thomas Morell

"People are not fixed entities, but dynamic energies expanding or contracting in relation to your thoughts about them." ~ Alan Cohen

"Listen now to the gentle whispers of hope." ~ Charles D. Brodhead

"It is when outer times seem dark that inner light shines the brightest." ~ Alan Cohen

"Take care of your minutes, and the hours will take care of themselves." ~ Lord Chesterson

"Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise. Seek what they sought." ~ Matsuo Basho

Osho on Self Love

2009-06-29T16:38:00.000-07:00

A person who loves himself can easily become meditative, because meditation means being with yourself.

If you hate yourself — as you do, as you have been told to do, and you have been following it religiously — if you hate yourself, how can you be with yourself? Meditation is nothing but enjoying your beautiful aloneness and celebrating yourself. That’s what meditation is all about. Meditation is not a relationship. The other is not needed at all; one is enough unto oneself. One is bathed in one’s own glory, bathed in one’s own light. One is simply joyous because one is alive, because one is.

The greatest miracle in the world is that you are and that I am. To be is the greatest miracle, and meditation opens the doors of this great miracle. But only a man who loves himself can meditate; otherwise you are always escaping from yourself, avoiding yourself. Who wants to look at an ugly face and who wants to penetrate an ugly being? Who wants to go deep into one’s own mud, into one’s own darkness? Who wants to enter the hell that they think they are? You want to keep this whole thing covered up with beautiful flowers and you want always to escape from yourself.

Hence people are seeking company continuously. They can’t be with themselves; they want to be with others. People are seeking any type of company; if they can avoid the company of themselves anything will do. They will sit in a movie house for three hours seeing something utterly stupid. They will read a detective novel for hours, wasting their time. They will read the same newspaper again and again just to keep themselves engaged. They will play cards and chess just to kill time...as if they have too much time!

Love begins with you yourself, then it can go on spreading. It goes on spreading of its own accord; you need not do anything to spread it.

“Love yourself..." says Buddha. And then immediately he adds: "... and watch." That is meditation, that is Buddha’s name for meditation. But the first requirement is to love yourself, and then watch. If you don’t love yourself and start watching, you may feel like committing suicide.

Many Buddhists feel like committing suicide because they don’t pay attention to the first part of the sutra, they immediately jump to the second: watch yourself. In fact, I have never come across a single commentary on The Dhammapada, these sutras of the Buddha, which has paid any attention to the first part: Love yourself.

Socrates says: Know thyself, Buddha says: Love thyself. And Buddha is far truer, because unless you love yourself you will never know yourself — knowing comes only later on, love prepares the ground. Love is the possibility of knowing oneself. Love is the right way to know oneself.

“Love yourself and watch...today, tomorrow, always.”

Create loving energy around yourself. Love your body and love your mind. Love your whole mechanism, your whole organism. By love is meant: accept it as it is, don’t try to repress. We repress only when we hate something, we repress only when we are against something. Don’t repress, because if you repress how are you going to watch? We cannot look the enemy eye to eye; we can look only in the eyes of our beloved. If you are not a lover of yourself you will not be able to look into your own eyes, into your own face, into your own reality.

Watching is meditation, Buddha’s name for meditation. Watch is Buddha’s watchword. He says: Be aware, be alert, don’t be unconscious. Don’t behave in a sleepy way. Don’t go on functioning like a machine, like a robot. That’s how people are functioning.

Watch — just watch. Buddha does not say what has to be watched — everything! Walking, watch your walking. Eating, watch your eating. Taking a shower, watch the water, the cold water falling on you, the touch of the water, the coldness, the shiver that goes through your spine — watch everything, “today, tomorrow, always.”

A moment finally comes when you can watch even your sleep. That is the ultimate in watching. The body goes to sleep and there is still a watcher awake, silently watching the body fast asleep. That is the ultimate in watching. Right now just the opposite is the case: your body is awake but you are asleep. Then you will be awake and your body will be asleep. The body needs rest but your consciousness needs no sleep. Your consciousness is consciousness; it is alertness, that is its very nature.

As you become more watchful you start having wings — then the whole sky is yours. Man is a meeting of the earth and the sky, of body and soul.

Sunday

2009-06-28T14:20:00.000-07:00

I have been contemplating what has been up with me...I am having to not only release a lot of old "rules" about how things "should" be or what things are "supposed" to look like, I am having to confront some of them to find out if they are really true. And how can I know that they are true?

I have learned that finding out what is real means breathing thru the fear--what still exists for me is real in that moment. (Lots of things just seem to disappear and the only thing left is love or light or laughter--pretty much laughter at myself!)

Some crazy fears of late: That I will suddenly wake up one day to find that my body has betrayed me and I have turned into a dried up old prune!

That releasing my ego attachment to outcome also means letting go of deserving, receiving and having that which I desire!

That this particular cycle of growth and learning are just going to go on way too long before I see results!

I wish that I could say that today I am grateful for this learning experience. I don't feel that way quite yet. I can say that I do, in fact, see potential in it and I do think that eventually I will feel infinitely grateful and I will come away from this a more authentic, better and happier me. (I have felt naturally inspired to face some of the more challenging issues that I've been avoiding to the best of my ability. Of course, it also makes me crazy when I do the avoiding thing!)

I am submitting to this lesson and I am attempting to do so gracefully; I expect that I will continue to improve in this. (So, alright, I am not the most graceful of beings. I can admit it and it won't kill me. :))

Looking back at the events of the last year or so, I can see how I have been led to this experience. It is very odd to see that this is so. And yet, I feel its truth inside.

I have been asking to move into alignment with the deepest desires of my heart and into a space where I am open, willing and able to receive. I had a lot to do to get here. The only thing that I can do in this moment is trust that it will all be good, that my heart's desires will indeed be met and that I just have to let go of controling how it is going show up!

2009-06-26T18:08:00.000-07:00

I am choosing to open the door to What Is. I am choosing to ride the wave to the shore...

I submit to the Lessons that Life is currently offering me.

If the thoughts that I think expand...what would I like to grow in my world?

"Nothing is too good to be true. Nothing is too wonderful to have happen. With (Father/Mother/Creator)God as my Source, Nothing amazes me." ~ Maureen Moss

My first instinct is to close up. To contract in the fear of pain and disappointment. Well, that just immediately gives me exactly what I am fearing...pain and disappointment. It is only by staying open, or at least soft to the possibilities, that I can receive that which I desire.

With an open heart, Life is Magical.

There is a Life in front of each of us--I believe it would best serve us all to embrace what is there for us to do each day. It is a new way to live for me.

Learning Myself in a New Way with Help From a Friend

2009-06-25T16:40:00.000-07:00

You know, I was going along, minding my own business...and WHAM! I swear it felt like I was hit by a ton of bricks. OY! It was kind of scary there for a moment, too.

I am still learning. I have learned that I have cleared some big issues from the past. I have truly re-prioritized the most important things in Life--my very own Happiness comes first. That means I am showing up as the true and authentic me. And I have no attachment to what other people think of my choices, especially since those choices are all about my Happiness. This is very new. This is important. I feel this new awareness down to my bones. And I like it. :)

I have also discovered that it is important to me to clear a big issue I have about my personal appearance. Don't ask! However, I have decided to engage in self-care with a new awareness of my face and my feelings.

It is okay not to have answers to the interesting and new things that Life hands us. I am truly okay with making up my own rules as I go along. I think that each choice, in each moment, adds to our happiness or takes away from it.

When I didn't put my Happiness first, I could never make up my mind. I couldn't understand how other people could make decisions without seeming to worry about missed opportunities-better things, things that I supposed would make me happy. (I used to think that happiness was based on all those externals and making decisions this way is bound to lead to confusion and ego-driven wanderings...and yes, I had 'em!) I truly envied others their ability to choose. The thing is, I had long ago made a fear-based choice that said I didn't deserve to be happy, nor could I have what I wanted. So no choice was going to work or be ideal and I just had to settle for less and make the best out of what was offered-or keep searching. Last year, I gave myself permission to be Happy. Last year, my father gave me permission to do whatever I needed to do to be Happy, too. Ever since then, I have been feeling happier and Happier. If you choose to be Happy first, all choices will ultimately take you there. Are there really missed opportunities? I think that the only missed opportunity that exists is when we don't take the chance to Love. :) (Maybe this is incorrect; I am willing to find out!)

So, I have some contemplations brewing. I need to find out if I can make room for Love in a new way. I also need to find out if I can put aside ego and fear and ask for what I both want and deserve in my life. It is a journey that I am willing to take, a new fork in the road, something not oft traveled.

Some Thoughts for This Week...

2009-06-25T15:57:00.000-07:00

"The moments when you are not at your best ultimately contribute to your best getting better." ~ Alan Cohen

"Remember, happiness doesn't depend on who you are or what you have; it depends solely on what you think." ~ Dale Carnegie

"Happiness is to be found along the way, not at the end of the road, for then the journey is over and it is too late. Today, this hour, this minute is the day, the hour, the minute for each of us to sense the fact that life is good, with all of its trials and troubles, and perhaps more interesting because of them." ~ Robert R. Updegraff

"It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure." ~ Joseph Campbell

Quotes for the Week...

2009-06-16T22:37:00.000-07:00

"Completion is not an act in the future. It is an acceptance of what is, now." ~ Alan Cohen

"Emancipate yourself from mental slavery. None but ourselves can free our minds." ~ Bob Marley

"If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves." ~ Thomas Edison

"The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it." ~ John Ruskin

"Give to the world the best you have, and the best will come back to you." ~ Ella Wheeler Wilcox

"Don't postpone joy until you have learned all of your lessons. Joy is your lesson." ~ Alan Cohen

"Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't." ~ Mark Twain

"Become a possibilitarian. No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are...see possibilities...for they're always there."
~ Norman Vincent Peale

"Unlearning old limits is far more helpful than learning new ones." ~ Alan Cohen

Thought for the Day

2009-06-03T16:30:00.000-07:00

"You are always proving yourself right, so think carefully about what you would like to be right about." ~ Alan Cohen

Contemplations...

2009-05-31T19:19:00.000-07:00

I saw a book that I would like to read, "You Are What You Love" by Vaishali.

This has got me to thinking of myself in a new way...and I have been asking myself all sorts of questions about the things that I really, truly love from the deepest places in my heart.

My answers have surprised me so far. And with each new answer, my perception of who I Am has shifted.

I have also discovered that I am not living a life that I love in all ways. My answers are uncovering places in me that deserve to come into alignment with the things that bring me joy and really light me up inside.

I have also been wondering what brings sweetness into my life--what would that look like on a daily, regular basis? I don't have any answers to this yet...now that I get up so early in the morning, I miss welcoming the day by slowly simmering awake in my bed, getting in touch with how my body and my mind feel, so that by the time I set a foot on the floor I am ready to welcome the day with a smile.

So, there is some new thing to bring in the day with warmth and softness and welcome.

Saturday's Quotes

2009-05-30T10:38:00.000-07:00

"You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down." ~ Mary Pickford

"Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere." ~ Albert Einstein

"Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbon." ~ Ruth Ann Schabaker

"What is now proved was once only imagined." ~ William Blake

"You have better things to think about than your problems." ~ Alan Cohen

"The possibility of stepping into a higher plane is quite real for everyone. It requires no force or effort or sacrifice. It involves little more than changing our ideas about what is normal." ~ Deepak Chopra

"What you seek is right before you." ~ Alan Cohen

Life...or Adventures with Teenagers, Fear and Living from the Heart

2009-05-23T19:33:00.000-07:00

I feel really inspired by those who live fully and embrace each moment. Even the ones that suck!

The only prison is the mind and the only one who holds me back is me. That is the truth for me.

My daughter is going through some crazy teenage angst thing and I just get to sit and watch her figure it all out. She has such capacity for joy and yet she chooses to feel unhappy...and I just don't get it! It is driving me crazy...only when I think about it too much. (I promise, I am really trying not to think too much about this and just show up being a loving and understanding mother. Not that I think I am doing such a great job at that, mind you. I am just making an effort.)

Every time I think that I am stuck it is just a moment that I am feeling my own fear. I am simply standing at the edge of my next unfolding here in this life. I guess I must find it scary, when the reality of my life seems to be that the only constant in it is CHANGE!

I really wish that I could just be outrageous, larger-than-life, "in your face," and out there, all the time. That would only mean that I was just being me. And yet, I can't seem to do that consistently. I think that maybe I am really going to have to do things now--not waiting for some magic moment--even though I am probably going to do them badly at first. I guess there is so much about life that is all about practice, Practice, PRACTICE! :) I am never going to get better at anything without actually engaging in these activities that seem to push my buttons. So what if I mess up?

I am rethinking some things...releasing the old b.s. that no longer applies and no longer works for me.

I am saying yes to vulnerability, to exposing myself in all the best ways (!), and becoming more and more fully present in all my moments.

Heaven on Earth

2009-05-20T22:33:00.000-07:00

"If you want heaven to come to earth, you must bring it with you." ~ Alan Cohen

More Opportunities to Say Yes...

2009-05-18T19:42:00.000-07:00

I'd really rather be happy. I am learning that while I used to prefer being heard or being right, I would rather choose happiness. So now when I make my choices, it really is about what I need to bring me happiness. I may actually make some of the same choices, I am just coming from a different place--my heart!

I believe that being serious is a disease of the soul. I know what happens to me when I start getting serious. My focus narrows, I begin to think about me and what is wrong, rather than what is right or good or positive in my life, and things get heavy and spiral down from there. And there is just so much for which to feel grateful, so why not change my focus?

New opportunities are showing up...and while I don't yet know the outcome (do I have to?), I do hold the intentions of good things showing up and everything working out beautifully, easily and gracefully. (I think inviting in grace would be a good thing since I am now finding I have very little in some areas of my life!)

My shoulder and wrist have been feeling uncomfortable and I am finding that this is another invitation to slow down and be a bit more present with some different things in my life. Yoga is wonderful and it will be waiting for me...and right now, other things need my attention. I have had to give myself permission to switch gears. I am saying yes to new things, saying yes to learning myself in new ways and I am saying yes to being gentle with myself...it is a different way for me to be right now. And I like it!

Latest Good Thoughts

2009-05-17T14:58:00.000-07:00

"None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm. ~ Henry David Thoreau

"The kinder and more thoughtful a person is, the more kindness they can find in other people." ~ Leo Tolstoy

"Your body knows how to be healthy and happy. All you need to do is cooperate with its wisdom." ~ Alan Cohen

"The only gifts worth giving or receiving are those that expand when they are given." ~ Alan Cohen

"The difficulties of life are intended to make us better, not bitter." ~ Source unknown

"If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking." ~ Buddhist saying

"Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand." ~ Mark Twain

“Time spent laughing is time spent with the Gods.” ~Japanese Proverb

Thought for the Day

2009-05-13T18:54:00.000-07:00

"Anytime you run into a wall or a closed door, the first place to try to open it is in your own mind." ~ Source unknown

Changes...

2009-05-12T16:49:00.000-07:00

"Everything that changes changes at your direction. " ~ Neale Donald Walsch

Have you tried using The Universal ATM to attract money and more…

2009-05-11T13:28:00.000-07:00

May 8th, 2009

By Heather Picken

"What if I told you that you could instantly change the rate in which you attract ANYTHING you wanted in your life...would you believe me?

One of the biggest issues I find when working with women and The Law of Attraction is self worth. Many women find it hard especially when it comes to attracting money to manifest it quickly and easily. Let’s face it women tend to be more emotional then men...and especially when it comes to money.

The most important thing is how you FEEL.
It is your feelings that set your attraction point.

Does this sound familiar to you?

You feel overwhelmed with bills, you are behind and feel that more money is going out then coming in...then it starts...

You begin to go into an emotional tailspin, feeling out of control and heading for the pint of ice cream or feel desperate with no end in sight. This is an all-time what I call “retraction attraction”...meaning you are taking away your original intention that was set in motion out into the universe.

Here are some easy ways to rapidly change your attraction around:

1. When you get this emotional uneasiness the first thing that you need to do is recognize what you are feeling.

2. Talk to yourself like you would a child and say “It’s ok...let it out”...most LOA experts say only think positive...which to me is wrong...you need to be real with yourself and allow your emotions to be released.

3. Remove yourself from the space. As soon as you have done step 2 make sure you physically remove yourself from that space. Everything IS energy so if you stay there you might get caught in the drama of your story and perpetuate your emotional state. By removing yourself and going for a walk you are easily shift out of the negative energy to another one that is more uplifting and new.

4. Turn it around. This is game that you can play every time you have an emotional situation simple write down on a sheet of paper the following:

This is how I feel (then write down exactly what you feel)

Then on the same sheet right next to it write this:

This is how I am turning it around (simply write down how you want things to go)

This is a very simple, yet powerful way to take your emotional state from stressed to calm and centered. Writing is a powerful transformational tool that can really help you to communicate with that deeper part of you.

Another huge issue for women when it comes to attracting money or anything else is self worth. Are you walking around with a negative self-worth balance? This is one of the missing secrets that most LOA teachings do not address. Everything happens on the inside so what you feel and think about yourself is key.

Here are some examples:

You want to attract more money

Your self worth account says:
“I don’t deserve it”

By doing this you begin to shift into a negative balance with yourself.

You would love to find your soul mate

Your self worth account says:
“I have never been in a great relationship and I just seem to attract the same kind of men...it’s just me”

Again, you are creating a negative balance and coming from a place of not feeling that you are deserving of being in a wonderful relationship.

Here’s what you can do:

Start a self worth account. Take out a sheet of paper and write down the reasons why you are so worthy and deserving of having ____________.

Your self worth account sheet would look something like this:

MY SELF WORTH ACCOUNT +

I am so worthy and deserving of living the lifestyle I desire because:

1. I have worked on myself mentally, spiritually, and emotionally
2. I appreciate what I have
3. I know that it’s my birthright

Make sure you come up with empowering reasons so that you put the positive back into your self worth account and yourself into balance."

P.S. I think her technique is similar to Byron Katie's--turn it around! This is a good way to become aware of beliefs and feelings that are keeping our vibrational frequencies stuck at a low level! It is better than a pint of ice cream!

Thought for the Day

2009-05-09T13:44:00.000-07:00

"There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness." ~ H. H. The Dalai Lama

Laughter is Free

2009-05-07T20:03:00.000-07:00

...and smiles cost nothing!

Thank the Goddess for that!

I think it offsets all the other stuff in life. And laughter is such a tool for transforming a tense moment into something wonderful.

At times, I don't know how to invite in the laughter. Sometimes, even though my expressions are ultimately those of love, the words still come out wrong...and I just make a mess--even though I am being careful. (How does that happen?) I suppose that I can't always say the right thing and I suppose that part of the issue is that I can't do anything about the other person's issues. Hhmmm...

The only thing I can really control is how I feel about something and what I think about the experience over all. This is a huge thing for me to take care of myself and not take responsibility for the other person's stuff. It is feeling sort of awkward!

This is just a moment of my life--far less than the blink of an eye. In the eternities, the only thing that is going to matter is whether or not I have been kind, loving and compassionate. :)

I am doing my best.

So, I am off to find the freedom in a smile and the joy in laughter. And I am keeping the picture of a wet hen in my mind's eye! (Tee hee!) Teenagers!

Here, No Matter What

2009-05-06T10:05:00.000-07:00

I am here, today, in this body, in this life...no matter what has happened in the past.

I release the past and live for this moment, this in-breath, my one and only here and now.

Our most important job in life is to be happy, no matter what. Being fully present in the moment supports us in getting to that happy place.

May we all live present in the moment and find the beauty and the joy of living...

Heaven in a Voice

2009-05-04T16:53:00.000-07:00

My Crazy Dream

2009-05-03T19:25:00.000-07:00

The other night, I had a dream that I was turning into a giant ladybug! Little ladybugs were crawling all over me, boring into my skin. In each of those spots, there was a perfect black circle. As the ladybugs would move underneath the surface of my skin, my skin would start turning red!

This is what I found when I searched online...

"After my mother died, each of my two sisters and I saw a multitude of ladybugs in our houses around the same time. Since it was in the middle of winter, that was quite an odd and unusual coincidence. We all felt that the ladybug must hold a message for us. Below is the information which I gathered and share with my sisters.

The ladybug is a member of the beetle family. They are found in nearly all climates. They are hemispheric in shape, have short legs and are usually bright colored with black, yellow or reddish markings. The females lay eggs.

Their life cycle requires about four weeks, so several generations are produced each summer. This cycle ties the ladybug to the energies of renewal and regeneration. Those who may have this totem are usually family oriented with strong morals and social values.

The name lady bug finds its origins in the middle ages when this beetle was dedicated to the Virgin Mary and called the "beetle of our lady." This name links the ladybug to spiritual ideals and religious devotion. It also holds a link to mothers.

Past lives associated with religion or the church are common for those with this animal totem and some form of daily meditation or prayer is recommended.

This tiny little beetle brings with it a powerful message. Because the life cycle of the adult ladybug is short it teaches us how to release worries and enjoy our lives to the fullest. When it appears in our life it is telling us to "let go and let God."

An adult ladybug can consume several thousand aphids and other scale insects within a few months. Since aphids & other insects can be harmful to crop production, farmers and growers have long considered the ladybug a good omen. Because of its diet, the ladybug often has parasites and people with this animal totem need to take care of their digestive system.

The ladybug is also one of the few beetles that are well liked by humans. Unlike other beetles, the ladybug brings a feeling of joy to us. Its small size signifies a delicate and loving nature. It portrays the energy of harmlessness and can show us how to stop self harm.

The shell on its back protects it from predators. Its wings fold against the body serving to protect its soft underside. Ladybugs have sharp instincts and feel vibrations through their legs. This allows them to sense energy of whatever they touch and is another form of protection. In spite of the ladybug's size, it appears to be fearless.

Seen often as a messenger of promise, the ladybug reconnects us with the joy of living. Fear and joy can not co-exist. We need to release our fears and return to love - this is one of the messages that the ladybug brings to us.

Ladybug teaches us how to restore our trust and faith in the great spirit. When the ladybug appears, it is telling us to get out of our own way and allow the great spirit to enter into our lives." ~ personal experience from weareonespirit, www.experienceproject.com

The Underlying Sweetness of Life

2009-05-02T18:51:00.000-07:00

Last week, as I was driving down to Agape for a puja, I was reminded that every expression in life is just an expression of love. Sometimes, that expression comes out wrong. Sometimes, the expression is misinterpreted on the receiving end. I guess that is the human part of the equation.

There is always an underlying sweetness to life.

Our natural state is love and openness. That love and that openness live within us. If we choose to embrace our natural state, our lives become sweeter and richer than we could possibly imagine. With each inhalation, we breathe in the love of the Universal Mother of us all.

Submitting or surrendering willingly to life, to each lesson, each opportunity for growth leads to more love, more joy and more to celebrate. I am still surprised each time I am confronted with a lesson. I think that the Universe gives us the opportunity go to backwards instead of forward...it is up to us to decide which way we are going to go. The Art of Living is a practice. We can find our edge and play there...

Saturday's Thought

2009-05-02T12:21:00.001-07:00

"In the shelter of each other, the people live." ~ Gaelic Proverb

What an Inspiration!

2009-04-30T19:02:00.001-07:00

Some Quotes for the Week

2009-04-24T13:27:00.000-07:00

"You can't afford to let your happiness depend on the behavior of another person." ~ Alan Cohen

"The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for." ~ Allan K. Chalmers

"Being in charge of a small world is far less satisfying than participating in a greater one." ~ Alan Cohen

"Vision without action is a daydream; action without vision is a nightmare." ~ Japanese proverb

"Imagination grows by exercise, and contrary to common belief, is more powerful in the mature than in the young." ~ Paul McCartney

"It is characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things." ~ Henry David Thoreau

"Life is a lottery that we've already won. But most people have not cashed in their tickets." ~ Louise L. Hay

"I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble." ~ Helen Keller

"The miracle is this - the more we share, the more we have." ~ Leonard Nimoy

"If a thought makes you happy to think it, that's a good reason to keep thinking it." ~ Alan Cohen

Glad to Be Learning...

2009-04-24T12:47:00.000-07:00

Of course, there are those really weird moments and I get to wonder what the heck is going on! Yes, the latest lesson sort of started out that way. I walked away scratching my head mentally, attempting to sort the whole thing out.

At least now I got the lesson!

I learned that sometimes people don't gel with each other. I can't do anything to change that and in fact, attempting to make changes may make a mess. (Apparently, I am good at making messes! :) ) It was actually quite bizarre to realize that we were both speaking English but apparently not really understanding each other. It was as if we were each speaking a foreign language! Perception is a huge thing--it makes our reality because that is what we believe and yet it may not be real!

I learned it is okay to say "no" to someone--to say "no" to an experience with them. It may be better that I do so. Sooner rather than later. Sometimes, I still feel the need to be heard and the need to be right...and that is messy. :) Someone else's perceptions of me can be rather startling and so far from who I am that I really just need to walk away with my hands up! (And make sure that I put my ego down first.)

I did discover that when I feel that someone is making assumptions about me and who I am and what I want it makes me feel really angry. Like he or she is telling me who I am and what I want and what I like...as if he or she is some kind of expert on me. I think it qualifies as invalidating and crazy-making! I am laughing now...and I remember when I used to take it so seriously. This is just more evidence of my growth and my learning.

Now I see that it would be in my best interest to go lightly and just float like a beautiful butterfly...just stop in to rest, to explore and then leave if things don't feel right. And my body does truly know what does and doesn't feel right. I guess I just get to practice paying more attention to my body and its wisdom.

Sometimes, someone shows me a mirror of myself and I don't like it. Sometimes, I am showing up for them to learn something. And sometimes, that is just the way it works out in life.

It helps to know what I want, to be really clear about the deepest desires of my heart, to be unafraid to speak my truth and most of all to be very clear in communicating. Which I can now see I was not clear...mostly with my use of language.

And of course, last and most certainly not least, I have learned that I need to ask for not only a conscious man to show up in my life-- but also a man who is conscious with women in general and me in particular. I am going to be more conscious with men myself and learn to better use my words. :)

My feathers got ruffled momentarily. This morning has brought me a huge sense of relief and I have been laughing at the whole thing. So, I know that I have come to some kind of peace with it all.

Mahalo nui loa, Kalani.

And the Adventure Continues...

2009-04-18T21:42:00.001-07:00

...or perhaps I just keep learning!

I am learning to accept that life just keeps happening, regardless of what I say that I want. The only control that I have in these situations is over what I think about what is going on...what it boils down to is the only problems that I have are simply between my own two ears! Perception, perception, perception.

And since I do have a life and since things just keep on showing up, the only thing that I can do is learn to accept What Is and then change my own mind about it. The amazing thing is that when I do this...things tend to change and change quickly.

One of the issues that I have going on right now is making time for all the things that I have on my to-do list. For a while, I was waiting for my kids to help me (yeah, right!). Then, I started waiting for my schedule to shift or calm down to support me in doing what I need to do at home. Not happening either. So, the only thing left to me is to change how I am looking at this issue and tackle things differently. My irritation is driving this new desire for something different and for now, I am going to use this as my tool to focus my intentions. :)

But I really think that I better keep a stash of chocolate available for a really bad day! :) I plan to give myself permission to say my favorite swear word as needed, for stress relief! :)

Living in openness and surrendering to What Is is challenging sometimes. It pushes me to my edges. When you play with your edges, sometimes you fall. Falling is okay. I guess this is just one of those times. And that is okay. I am finding my balance, finding my way.

Life is Good and Very Good.

Be Well.

More Monday Quotes

2009-04-13T17:11:00.000-07:00

"The truest greatness lies in being kind, the truest wisdom in a happy mind." ~ Ella Wheeler Wilcox

"I am more and more convinced that our happiness or our unhappiness depends far more on the way we meet the events of life than on the nature of those events themselves." ~ Karl Wilhelm Von Humboldt

"We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures." ~ Thornton Wilder

"What we do from joy expresses love; what we do from fear calls for love." ~ Alan Cohen

"You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true." ~ Richard Bach

"It is not the perfect who need love, but the imperfect." ~ Oscar Wilde

"There is just one life for each of us; our own." ~ Euripides

Take That Side Step!

2009-04-10T22:07:00.000-07:00

So...this has been an interesting week.

Things started off differently because I did a few things differently. And guess what? I got different results. (Not really a surprise!)

I have asked for many things to come to me in the course of the last year or so and as I continue to shift, I have discovered that those things have shown up in my life. Some of the things for which I asked have already shown up...and some are just now arriving.

Nothing has really changed in my life, except me. :) My perceptions. My attitudes. My feelings and my emotions.

One gift is learning to find and push my own edges. I am liking this experience. It helps me to stay open and to say yes to myself and my life. If something doesn't work out quite right, it is no big deal because I know that my life is a practice and I am going to be given another opportunity. And another. And another. And that is a very good thing!

I am going to take some different actions again this weekend. I am curious to find out what I will receive in return. :)

Be well!

Happy Monday!

2009-04-06T12:49:00.000-07:00

"Everything you need is inside you." ~ Alan Cohen

"The only place where your dream becomes impossible is in your own thinking." ~ Robert H. Schuller

"Interpretations affect your life far more significantly than facts." ~ Alan Cohen

"Perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us once beautiful and brave." ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

"If you would just do it, it would be done." ~ Alan Cohen

"A problem is a chance for you to do your best." ~ Duke Ellington

"It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see." ~ Henry David Thoreau

"The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate." ~ Oprah Winfrey

The Things that I Value

2009-04-04T10:49:00.000-07:00

Now is the time to embrace and explore and express all the things that I value...this has been on my mind for a while.

Love matters to me. This means treating others with kindness, compassion, understanding and yes, love. It means speaking kind words to all who come into my life. So many positive things seem to me to be an expression of love. For me, Love means doing what is right and choosing the higher way.

Relationship matters to me. My relationship with myself lays the foundation for how I relate to others. The kinder, more gentle and more compassionate I am with myself the more I offer these qualities to others. I am in relationship with everyone and everything that dwells right now on this planet. How am I showing up?

The earth--our Mother--matters. Do I treat the earth ethically and responsibly? Do I honor my home?

Healing matters to me. I value offering a service to others. I love and enjoy empowering others to live a life of love, of joy, of happiness and of passion. I feel blessed to be able to facilitate for others and to share my experiences in healing.

One thing that comes up very strongly is that now is the time for me to acknowledge, accept, appreciate and own my femininity and my beauty. This has been pushing so many buttons for me lately, so I know this is huge. As I have made a bigger and deeper commitment to my own health and my own fitness, I love and appreciate my body for its strength and its muscles and its curves. The beauty and the strength of my body continue to evolve as I engage in my process of being fully and completely present in my body. I know that it is time to honor my body, adorn the temple and cultivate my own brand of beauty.

I don't know, yet, what my life will end up looking like as engage in my process. We each are here such a short time. It seems wise to embrace each moment, to take it all in and dive into every emotion and every experience because this moment is all there is...

Here is to Venus...and stepping into the Feminine Unchained!

Timely Information...Venus in Aries

2009-04-03T18:08:00.000-07:00

I had a Venus return reading with Sao about a month before I turned 40. He brought it all to life for me and inspired me to embrace the Divine Feminine!

This is what Sao has to say about Venus in Aries--the Feminine Unchained!

"On March 27th a very powerful Venus-in-Aries cycle began; it will continue for 584 days, approximately a year and nine months. Because this is Venus, The Feminine Principle, this cycle invites and inspires women to explore and express a new, deeper, more powerful aspect of themselves, and this is equally true for men as regards their inner feminine.

This cycle invites us to summon the courage to be adventurous, to explore radically new ways of Living, and to trust The Very Spirit of Life.

I strongly encourage everyone to participate with Venus as she embarks on this 584-day journey through Aries. Your participation will -- not might, it will -- make a powerful difference, perhaps the crucial difference, in our rapidly changing world. The change is rooted in this: Every person on Earth is being challenged to dig deeper than ever before and discover a new layer of Our Deepest Personal Values -- and Venus is Our Deepest Personal Values.

Venus (The Goddess, The Divine Femnine) embarked on this adventure on March 27th. Since then a number of women have called or emailed to tell me they're venturing into new territory, that for some time now they've been feeling the urge to be new, to be different, to change themselves and their lives, and that something is stirring in them now, a new presence is moving in them urging them to action, to blaze a new trail for themselves and those they Love. These women are feeling the presence of Venus in Aries. Here are just a few examples (my ideas) of what The New Aries Woman might do:

- explore a new livelihood -- the Right Livelihood that feels good to your Soul;

- commence with a project you've longed to accomplish, something you're truly passionate about -- writing a book, going to the "I Can Do It!" seminar, taking flying lessons, etc.

- starting a real movement to have every other Pope be a woman who then appoints other women to top positions in the hierarchy of that religious order; same with the Dalai Lama and that religious order; same with Mormonism and that religious order, same with Islam and that religious order, same with every religious order on Earth. (For those who don't remember, women did this in the 1960's with the names of hurricanes. Before the 60's all hurricanes were given feminine names -- it's time to take "the next step", take it to the next level -- that's the way of courageous Aries!)

These are just a few examples of the Aries spirit of independence

Because this is Venus, the feminine principle, let's consider the nature, character and energy of the Aries archetype when it expresses in and through women. In The Shamanic Astrology Handbook by Daniel Giamario, creator of Shamanic Astrology, we find these descriptions of The Aries Goddess:

- The Warrior Amazon

- The One Who Fights for a Cause

- Joan of Arc

- The Goddess: Queen Bodicca (this was a real person, google her)

- "Women Who Run With The Wolves" (this is a book, google it)

- The Wild Woman Archetype

- The Tom Boy

And also from The Shamanic Astrology Handbook, let's consider the invocation, the prayer, the mantra, the meditation, the focused intention of The Aries Goddess:

"I am warrior woman. I defend you in battle against the dark lords, the greedy, and those exploiting Mother Earth. I will fight to protect the Cosmic Order. I Am Goddess Of Victorious Triumph!"

Joan of Arc
So yes, the Aries Goddess is The Goddess wild and free, yet she lives that way with a purpose! She is going forth with The Sword of Truth paving her way, and with Strength and Courage lighting her Path to Victory!

In the March issue of "The Shamanic Astrology Newsletter" we find yet another description of the nature of this Venus cycle of power:

Venus Prepares For Her Journey in Aries

"From the Spring Equinox when the Sun enters Aries, to April 3rd when Venus rises as a Morning Star and begins her new cycle in the Aries domain, there are many factors calling our attention to the potency of this time. On March 27, 2009, for example, we have the Sun conjunction with retrograde Venus (7 Aries) accelerating the messages possible from the realm of underworld treasures that are now coming to light. This marks an important point in the transformational shift of Venus, now completing with the Leo archetypal expression and preparing for a rebirth or reincarnation into the Aries expression of the Goddess.

Aries is the Amazon Warrior and the Wild Woman. Here are some images from Clarissa Pinkola Estes' book, Women Who Run With The Wolves, to spark our sense of these mysteries.

"WITHIN EVERY WOMAN THERE IS A WILD AND NATURAL CREATURE, a powerful force, filled with good instincts, passionate creativity, and ageless knowing. Her name is Wild Woman, but she is an endangered species. Though the gifts of wildish nature come to us at birth, society's attempt to "civilize" us into rigid roles, has plundered this treasure and muffled the deep life-giving messages of our own souls. Without Wild Woman, we become over domesticated, fearful, uncreative, trapped."

"Healthy wolves and healthy women share certain psychic characteristics: keen sensing, playful spirit, and a heightened capacity for devotion. Wolves and women are relational by nature, inquiring, possessed of great endurance and strength. They are deeply intuitive, intensely concerned with their young, their mate and their pack. They are experienced in adapting to constantly changing circumstances; they are fiercely stalwart and very brave."

"She is the one who thunders after injustice."

(If you'd like to receive the monthly Shamanic Astrology Newsletter (it's free!), visit the official Shamanic Astrology website, www.shamanicastrology.com. Type your email address in the box at the very bottom of the home page and click "Join". Depending on the speed of your computer, it can take as little as thirty seconds to subscribe. Also, you might enjoy the five-minute video on the origins of Shamanic Astrology, right above the subscription box.)

So for all of us, yet especially for women, starting now and for the next year and nine months is a time to Be New! It is a time to summon The Courage of The Warrior and express your deepest, truest, most authentic identity. It is a time to declare your true Self, define yourself, to no longer be defined by others. Consider this:

"If you pay nervous attention to other people's opinions, maneuver to obtain their indulgence and to stand high in their esteem, you will be whisked about in their winds and you will lose yourself." - Jo Coubert -

This Friday, April 3rd, or one morning soon after, Venus will rise as the beautiful Morning Star for the first time in many months. This "heliacal rise" is the trigger-point and the true, shamanic beginning of this 584-day Venus-in-Aries cycle. To witness Venus rising this way is an absolutely stunning experience. I STRONGLY encourage everyone to get up about thirty minutes before sunrise this Friday, April 3rd (I realize that for many of you this is asking a lot, to sacrifice even one minute of your precious slumber, yet I promise you it will be worth it and this is the only time in your entire Life that I'll ask you to do this, because after this one experience I won't have to -- you'll want to do it), look directly east and wait to see if Venus rises before the Sun that morning. You won't have to wonder which star is Venus because she will be as close to Earth as she gets, so she'll be the brightest body in the heavens by far! She'll be huge and glowing, a very powerful Presence in the heavens. Trust me, you will know her when you see her. She's so close and big and beautiful you can actually see -- and feel! -- her pulsating. It is truly an amazing experience.

Now, it's not possible to know exactly which morning Venus will first become visible. So if on this Friday the Sun rises so that daylight comes, the stars are no longer visible and you don't see her that morning, then please do the same thing Saturday morning, then Sunday, maybe Monday, and continue each morning until one morning she's suddenly, powerfully, spectacularly there, and you experience this New Venus Rising, this New Woman Rising on Earth. Hopefully it will be Friday, but it might be a day or two or three or so later.

And on that marvelous morning that she rises, whichever morning that is, and displays her powerful, awe-inspiring Beauty for you -- just for you -- talk with her, commune and communicate with her, let her know that you acknowledge and honor her new cycle as The Warrior Amazon, the wild, free and powerful Protector and Defender of the Family and The Cosmic Order, and ask if you may do this dance with her. She will oblige you.

Then for the next 584 days, dance yourself free!

All of this brings to mind the title of a favorite song . . . .

"Wild Women Don't Get The Blues!"

So, take "the next step".

Claim your power. Save the children.

See it? Do it.

Thank you.

May Love have Its way with you,"

Sao
http://www.astrologyofchange.com

A New Leaf

2009-03-29T18:21:00.000-07:00

Lately, it has been so much easier just to be an observer. By observing, I can pay attention to how my body feels, what brings stress and what brings me happiness. Sometimes, I am very surprised to find that I have held onto a hurt or something very small and simple makes me smile.

For so long, I have been such an 'in my head' intellectual sort of person. Now, I am finding that exercise makes me incredibly happy. It is the opportunity to connect with my body without my ego-driven, monkey mind getting in the way. I have truly loved recognizing that my body is much stronger and more capable than I had previously believed. Now, I am convinced that I am just going to keep getting better the longer I am here. Being in my body is now a much happier thing for me.

I am also discovering that I have made up a lot of beliefs about myself, about my life and about what is possible based on things that happened in the past. Things that I didn't always understand and certainly didn't like. Things people told me when I was growing up and weird and strange conclusions I reached when I was quite young. I am releasing those beliefs.

So, if I release those old beliefs, what do I have? I have the sudden awareness that Everything is Possible and it only matters what I choose to believe. Even the things in which I believe is a choice. Oh, don't get me wrong...I have intellectually understood that what I think and what I speak and ultimately what I believe is what I create. Now, I am feeling it! I am feeling it down to my bones.

Lots of things have led me to this place. My practice to live surrendered open (and it is a practice), my gran's health, my personal relationship experiences, my experiences exposing my beliefs, my talents and my abilities to others...and having interactions with others that force me to confront my stuff. Sometimes this is a pleasant thing, one that is supportive and loving and gentle and other times, not so much.

I do know that being kind, compassionate, gentle and loving is best in dealing with myself. It makes choosing happiness an easier thing. I once believed that living a wonderful life meant that there would be no issues. What I understand now is that life is full of issues...and it is how I handle those issues that makes my life easier or more difficult. Life and its issues are not going to stop, not going to go away until I leave this plane of existence. It all comes back to choice. It is my beliefs and my choices that color my experience while I am here on this planet. No one can make me miserable unless I let them! I can ask for and believe in grace, ease, peace and simplicity. :)

I decided to have permanent lash enhancement done. It is a glamorous upgrade to my look...and it pushed a few buttons. As I stood in front of the mirror getting ready to go out, I contemplated how I was feeling. At first, I thought that I was feeling stuck. Then I realized that I am standing at the edge of something new, waiting for it to unfold and that I was actually feeling afraid. Afraid of the new, of the unknown and all of that uncharted territory. Once I understood that, I also understood something else. As I have developed my relationship with myself, the New seems less intimidating because I am trusting myself more and more. No matter what comes, I know that I am going to be okay.

I am already just fine. :)

Be well!

Which Seeds Will I Plant?

2009-03-25T19:34:00.000-07:00

Today was a beautiful, warm, sunny day!

I spent part of it outside--weeding the yard. It was interesting to me that sometimes, no matter how hard I tried, I could not save some of the cute little flowers from coming up with the weeds. Life is like that sometimes, I think. We make choices and do our best and still the consequences of our choices may still have a negative impact or two. Sometimes, it feels like I get to pick the lesser of two evils.

I really have been thinking a lot lately. Perhaps too much. Not to the point of "mentacide," though. (This would be thinking myself to death, by the way.) Being introspective has its place...and I am choosing now to move into a deeper space of being, then doing and having some new experiences in my life.

I read an article not too long ago about people who are sensitive to the energies and the emotions of others. Frequently, they end up alone because it is easier for them to cope with this sensitivity on their own. I do like my space and my down time...and at the same time, I would love to be with someone who actually gets me and allows me to do my thing. I would love to be loved! (Is that so hard to say? Sometimes, I think! Isn't that funny?)

I think about the dreams I had as a little girl, of what I wanted my life to be like. I am not living that life. I knew, at 5, that I was a healer. I knew before that, that I was different. But different was a badge that I wore that set me apart from others. Now, I don't want that. I don't want to be set apart from others...

Being me is a good thing. No two people are exactly alike and we weren't meant to be. We are each unique and special, with our own quirks, our own strengths and our own talents. It is a gift that we give to both ourselves and to others when we shine our light for all to see.

This is a new place for me. A place of acceptance and peace about who I am. This is a place of turning from past and looking to future. I think that maybe I have grown beyond the little girl dreams...maybe it is time for some new, grown-up dreams!

Spring has Sprung

2009-03-22T16:45:00.001-07:00

Spring is officially here!

I have been pondering the nature of my life lately. And while I have no definitive answers about what my life means or what I would like my life to mean, exactly, I have had several interesting observations.

One observation that I did have was that I have held onto past references for what my future life should look like. I did this very unconsciously. Needless to say, a serious mental Spring Cleaning is in order! Holding on to those past reference points limits all my future possibilities. Which sort of defeats the purpose of consciously choosing to create my life.

I have spent some time contemplating my need for a buffer between myself and the outside world or myself and certain people in my life with whom I sometimes find it difficult to interact. In the past, I was most comfortable hiding my light, my talents and my abilities. Exposure seemed painful and confusing. Now, I find that many things are far easier for me, much more fun and there are experiences and people that I choose to embrace and bring into my life, rather than hide or run away.

I guess this is just another aspect of maturing. :)

I feel as though I am suddenly approaching my life and my creations with a clean slate. If I put down those old reference points, release the buffers, what do I desire to create now? It seems very timely, this question. And this seems like the perfect time to plant some new seeds!

Ireland, Take Me Away

2009-03-19T19:58:00.000-07:00

Howth, Ireland

Thank you, James O'Gorman, for the beautiful image!

Tuesday's Thoughts for the Day

2009-03-17T21:48:00.000-07:00

"You know quite well, deep within you, that there is only a single magic, single power, a single salvation . . . and that is called loving." ~ Herman Hesse

"Would it be easier and more effective to change how you are thinking about it?" ~ Alan Cohen

"Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens." ~ Carl Jung

"Intention is more powerful than discipline, and far easier." ~ Alan Cohen

"The more you invest in your happiness, the more happiness you will find to invest in." ~ Alan Cohen

"Look within. Be still. Free from fear and attachment, know the sweet joy of living in the way." ~ Buddha

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

"There's no way to freedom. A 'way' means you have to start from somewhere and arrive somewhere. This is the deception of the mind. You don't have to go anywhere to find freedom. Forget about finding your way, you are already That which you are seeking." ~ Papaji

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." ~ Philip K. Dick

Lazy Sunday...

2009-03-15T09:37:00.000-07:00

"Misery and despair is what is left after you have gone through all the trouble of trying to satisfy the Ego with money, knowledge, things, and power, only to find that the Lower Self can never be satisfied." ~ Babaji

"The quieter you become, the more you are able to hear.” ~ Zen Saying

I borrowed the above quotes from Enlightened Beings...

I am enjoying a lazy Sunday morning. Listening to some good music, typing my thoughts out in search of a bit of clarity, thinking about which yoga class I want to take today and contemplating brekkie. :) Not in that order.

If I quiet my ego-mind and listen, what do I hear? The first is a big couple of questions. What do I desire to create in my life right now--all things considered? And am I going to be brave enough to follow my heart? And wow, this just pushes some buttons; which is good. It means I am on my way to being honest with myself and healing a few things in the process.

I still feel a bit surprised at where this process has taken me. It is definitely a good place!

Do I trust myself to do a good job at this? I guess I am going to find out!